Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT ...And Expiation (2)
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.14.1999
Matt shows up at the CamCompound with a laundry bag. RevCam cops major attitude and asks him, "More laundry? Are you taking in other people's, now?" and I'm thinking, "This is the house you wanna move back to, Matt?" Matt informs RevCam that he's moving back to help take care of things. RevCam says, "That's very thoughtful. Thank you," as if it isn't his house and Matt isn't his kid and he can't just tell Matt no. Mary walks in. She just got off the phone with Mr. Wolfe-from-the-group-that-gave-her-a-scholarship. No more scholarship for Mary. D'oh! The CamMen can't think of anything to say, and Mary goes back upstairs.
The Austin Musical Theatre is doing Jesus Christ Superstar. It's funny that I never would have known that if I hadn't tuned into 7th Heaven this week. What -- Ally McBeal's lesbian-kiss watchers don't enjoy musical theatre? Sheesh.
I used to own a Mazda, but it got totaled and now I'm actually glad because Mazda is using "Rebel, Rebel" for their newest commercial. If I ever get another Mazda, I'll let it get wrecked by another old woman. That'll show those bastards!
Matt is clearing space in Simon's closet and hanging up his nasty gray t-shirts. Simon and Ruthie are dismayed by Matt's moving back to the CamPound. Ruthie says, "Yeah, what about the chicks?" and I wish Mr. Stupidhead could have been there to tell her to SHUT UP. Simon gives Matt a point-by-point synopsis of why no one needs Matt living there anymore. Simon shared with Matt the knowledge he's gleaned from his religious pilgrimage of that morning: that it's not always possible to foresee bad things. Matt says that "that just means that sometimes it is." Guess what happens next. Ruthie and Simon burp. Matt looks at them like, "You. Rude. DOGS." Note to the writers: BELCHING IS ONLY FUNNY WHEN INFANTS DO IT. Addendum: The twins are too old to be considered cute while belching, just in case you were wondering.
StuporMom brings boxes of pizza into the kitchen and informs RevCam that she stopped by the gym. What, they haven't cleaned it up YET? I guess they need to preserve the DNA evidence or something. Annie moans for a while about Mary being jailed or expelled. She feels bad that grounding won't be a comparable punishment. RevCam disregards her little speech and says that he has some other news. "We won the lottery?" StuporMom asks as if she's Mrs. Sarcastic instead of Mrs. Eric Camden the Doormat. RevCam reveals that Mary's lost her scholarship. Annie nods with the compressed-lipped smile of someone who should visit a ghetto and see what real problems are. Then she tears up as she muses that it doesn't matter, because Mary will probably go to jail. And then she says that if Mary does go to jail, she could always "pursue a nice vocational skill." Don't cry, Annie! She could become a secretary or receptionist and then marry her boss and have seven kids! All is not lost! Annie almost-cries and says that she thought she was a good parent and that she knew her kid, but she didn't. RevCam hugs her and the phone rings. Annie says with her biting sarcasm, "I'm afraid to answer it! Do we know where all our kids are?" Hmm. Let's see. The twins are in their cages. Simon and Ruthie have made it home from the synagogue. Matt and Mary are upstairs. Lucy is -- Lucy is -- OH NO! WHERE'S LUCY? What if she and her friends are out overdosing on vitamins? Someone find her quick! It's Bill the Lawyer on the phone. He manages to convey, in the three seconds he's on the phone with RevCam, that he called in favors, walked Mary's application through the red tape and into the Diversion Program, and that the head of the program will meet with the Cams tomorrow. Annie desperately clings to hope and then to RevCam's strong shoulders and denim shirt.