Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT ...And Expiation (2)
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.14.1999
Lucy crawls into bed, bathrobe and all. Mary is staring all stony-faced at the wall and she suddenly says, "We trashed the school gym." Lucy goes, "What? The school gym and not World Gym or the YMCA? Who? Why?" Mary explains. Lucy says, "And you got busted?" all down with the lingo and stuff. Both girls are in full makeup. Mary's in jeans and a vest. I can't tell if it's a Tech Vest or a GAP vest. Sorry. It's shiny, though. Mary guesses that they "must have set off an alarm or something 'cause the cops showed up." The sad guitar strums slowly. Mary tells Lucy that she'll need a lawyer. Lucy opens her eyes wide, cuts them around in a goofy way, and says, "This is unreal!" Just as you saw in the three zillion commercials leading up to this episode, Mary replies, "I wish," and closes her eyes, wishing Calgon would take her away.
Ruthie is looking out her room's window with binoculars. Simon lets Happy into their room, then walks up and taps Ruthie on the head with the baby monitor. It's a good thing that the twins never cry or need supervision of any sort. It's also a good thing that Simon didn't give into the evil temptation to tap Ruthie harder and crack her skull. Because that would be bad. Simon's all Perry Mason, discovering that he and Ruthie should have tattled to the CamRents when they eavesdropped on Mary talking about something "extreme." The two of them use their Christian interfaith training to channel some Catholic guilt and blame themselves for Mary's trouble. "That's it," chirps Ruthie, "We're going to hell!" Aw. That is so freaking cute. BURN, SINNERS, BURN! Ruthie tell Simon not to give her that look, because she meant Hell the place. Simon knows. He gave her that look because she "might be right." You kids aren't going to hell because you neglected to tattle. You're going to hell because you're trying to be cute for the love of filthy lucre! Repent now, sinners! Get thee to the soup kitchen and be quiet about it! So then both kids burp. That's it. You brats really are going to burn with Satan. Oh, but then they say "excuse me" so it's okay. Happy groans and wishes she could be ground into horse food.
Matt's on the phone telling Chickenhead that things are "borderline out-of-control" and that he has no choice but to move back home. Chickenhead thinks he should hear the whole story before making such a major decision. Matt says the writing's pretty much on the wall, and then he closes the refrigerator door, which has been opened the whole time. He was using it for light while he yakked on the phone. Do people go to hell for blatantly wasting energy like that? I don't see how they couldn't.