Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT ...And Expiation (2)
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.14.1999
Matt and Chickenhead walk into Matt's run-down apartment as some guy's walking out. Matt tells the guy, "Hi," and then, "See you later." Then he asks John, "Who was that?" It was a potential roommate. John gets all defensive and mouthy about his need to look for potential roommates. Matt understands. John asks about Mary. Matt says that she's in "major, get-a-lawyer trouble." John pulls attitude and is all like, "Sorry. Guess that means you're done THINKING ABOUT moving out," with a passive-aggressive smile. Matt has to look at Chickenhead for some reason. He says yeah, and Chickenhead does a weird smirk at John, who isn't even looking at her. John says it's been great, gives his regards to the CamFam, and walks out, shutting the door on Matt who is trying to say "thanks" and "great" and whatever. Matt rolls his eyes and bangs on the wall once, as if that's supposed to make his neighbors turn down their crappy music. It doesn't. Chickenhead is rolling her eyes and smirking haphazardly. Matt tells her that things are stressful. She points out that it's only been twenty-four hours since he dropped his moving-out bomb. He says blah, blah. She says she loves the way he cares about his family but that if he spent one-fourth the time at the grocery store that he spent at his parents, he might not be so frustrated or so hungry. Uh, yeah. Thanks for the advice, Lady Smirk-A-Lot. Matt gets all upset at this. Chicken starts lecturing him about living on his own and worrying about his family and letting go and using the force. Matt doesn't think her advice applies to him. She says that now she has him to worry and care about. She tries to snuggle against his chest. He says that he cares about her too, but that after this conversation he doesn't think she knows him at all. With that, he shoves off of her and packs some stuff in a box. She doesn't seem as perturbed as I'd be in the face of such rudeness. Maybe it's because she doesn't WANT to know Matt. Maybe she was just using him for sex. Oh, but they're not having sex, are they? The whole thing's a mystery.
Oy. Now Simon and Ruthie, the Children of Neglect, are at the local synagogue, babbling to the rabbi. Will this fun never end? Ruthie makes up another simile for hell. The rabbi, like the priest, smiles as if she's cute. "You're not Jewish, are you?" he asks. What is this, a freaking joke? All we need now is a genie and a pianist. The rabbi informs them that Jews don't believe in hell. "Really?" beams Ruthie. "May we sit down?" Oh, hardy har. The rabbi and the forgotten children have the cutest theological conversation imaginable. Sorry, but I'm not gonna type it all out. If you're the kind of person who watches 7th Heaven because you really do think it's cute, then you've probably stopped reading this by now, so you won't mind. I'm the kind of person who watches it out of guilt. When I was a child, I stole a cookie from the cookie jar. After sneaking out of my parents' house and visiting a mosque, I decided to serve penance by forcing myself to watch inane television shows. Right now my gut is hurting, but it's not from guilt. If Simon and Ruthie burp one more time, I'm gonna have to take an ulcer-medication break. The rabbi tells them to talk to their parents. Ruthie says she wishes she had a camera because the synagogue is beautiful. Simon thanks God again. They leave. Here's hoping they don't need a third opinion.