Episode Report Card Omar G: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex, Lies, And Security Video
By Omar G | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.16.2004
Lex in comfy-chair bondage. Murderous Red carries two bottles of wine. As she splashes some of the vino on Lex, she tells him he could have stopped all this if he'd only recognized her outside the opera. So she's saying she wouldn't have carried out her pre-arranged plan if he'd known who she was? Lex grunts as the wine is poured. He's more angry that the wine is so cheap. If Lex is going to die by flaming liquid, it had better be vintage. Red says she was wearing the earrings Lex bought her. "We had sex again and you still didn't recognize me!" she says angrily. Maybe your face wasn't, you know, visible at the time. Do you remember which way you were facing? She tells Lex she had a life and a fiancé as she pours a trail of wine. Now she's just being repetitious. She pours in a circle around him and claims he ruined her life. Sorry to argue but didn't you ruin your life? Just sayin'. I know Lex is cold, but that's not the same as being stupid. Lex thrashes against his common bonds. She picks up a candle. Circles around Lex again. "It has to stop," she says. She drops the candle. If this were real life, wouldn't she have gone Lorena Bobbitt on Lex rather than just setting him on fire? The candle falls, and flames erupt across the very nice tiled floor. A circle of fire surrounds Lex. Clark comes in and sees that his flaming lover will soon be...a flaming lover. At superspeed, he pushes this trifling bitch aside and takes off his jacket. What will Clark do here? I'm betting he'll use his super breath, or use his super speed to use a fire extinguisher, or, hell, just carry Lex out of the fire. Oh, I am so wrong. At quick speed, Clark takes his jacket and starts spinning it around, never mind that it would tear apart from such exertion, and uses the jacket to whirl the flames up into the air to do his bidding. Seriously, folks, I'm at a fucking loss here. Clark apparently thinks he's David Copperfield and that he's taming the Tornado of Fire. It really is amazingly silly. Clark whips the flames higher and higher like a cheap Vegas act, and the fire goes up to the ceiling (setting fire to the roof? No, of course not) until the flames dissipate into nothing. We come back to regular motion as Clark superzips out of the room, leaving the room fire-free and Murderous Red to hit the wall and fall unconscious. Is that Clark's new signature move, now? Come in, knock someone aside, and take off? Lex gasps. There's smoke, but no fire. He looks around, his shirt-half open, and scorch marks in a circle around him. Was that as good for him as it was for Clark? God, he needs a cigarette.