Episode Report Card Omar G: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex, Lies, And Security Video
By Omar G | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.16.2004
Clark superzips to a neighborhood in Metropolis. He's still wearing the same damn shirt. Clark enters a nice, freshly painted house. The front door is open. Tons of photos of Lex are on a countertop, including one showing Lex and Mystery Red together. She's not wearing a red dress in the photo, though. Someone wearing gloves takes the photo and burns it over a sink. It's Lex! Clark catches Lex with the (literally) hot photo. "What are you doing?" Clark asks. "I'm saving my ass," Lex says. For Clark? He'll have two. We hear police sirens approaching. "You gotta help me, please," Lex says. Clark gulps. He knows all about Lex's "help." He hopes the carpet here is soft, at least.
Commercials. Jack & Bobby. Apparently, Tom Cavanagh has elected to spend the rest of his career playing brothers of TV show characters.
Stately Luthor Manor. Inside, the eternally red-flannel-shirted Clark is just now confronting Lex for burning evidence instead of confronting him about it in the car or helicopter or however it is they got back. Lex spins on Clark and defends his innocence. He asks why he'd take a nap next to a dead body: so the maid could find him? Lex says that it makes no sense. "Neither does breaking into her house, but you did that," says Clark. Actually, that part does make sense. You've been mooted, Clark. Clark demands that Lex be honest, because now Clark's an accomplice. Lex asks what Clark was even doing there. Clark says that he tracked down the car. Lex asks if Clark called the cops, too, because this is going to be all over the news. Lex says he got a lead on an address from LawyerLady's office. He went to find out who she was, and found Swimfan levels of stalkeriffic pics. "So you did know her," Clark says. Lex says he only knew her by name, which she failed to mention at the fundraiser. "So how was I supposed to know?" Lex says. By counting the rings to her vagina like a tree trunk? Shit, I don't know! Lex still thinks that his father is setting him up; Papa Luthor knows about the stalkers, since some lawyers compiled a database of them the year before. Lex's sexual conquests require a database. Good God, man! Clark doesn't think it's Papa Luthor. Clark tells Lex that Papa Luthor wants to help. Lex feels betrayed. He asks if Papa Luthor was the one who sent Clark to that house. Lex gets heated, like we like it, and accuses Clark of playing into Papa Luthor's hands. "You can't straddle the fence on this one!" Lex yells. So many punchlines...let's try these: "But you can straddle me!" Or: "But you can strad-i-varius!" Or: "But if you do, I'll meet you on top." Lex bellows: "My father and I are enemies. You have to decide who you really trust!" It helps to be yelled at when making a decision like this. Clark thinks about it.