Episode Report Card Omar G: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex, Lies, And Security Video
By Omar G | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.16.2004
LawyerLady's office. A tape recorder is running. She's at her desk, but her chair is turned so we can't see her face. Lex walks into the office. Everything is dark and lit in blue. He asks what this new evidence is that she wants to talk about. Lex is confused. He walks around the desk. Oops! Her neck is slit. Scary music. Handheld camera! Lex opens his phone to dial. "Someone's been killed," he tells 911. And they put him on hold for the next operator. Whaaaaa!? Lex sees a familiar pink MP3 player lying on a desk. The gay club song is playing. Lex can't help it. He must listen to it. As he raises the earbud, we hear a gun cock. LawyerLady's assistant is holding a gun at Lex. "What's wrong, Lex?" she asks. She pulls down her hair and takes off her glasses. "Don't you recognize me?" Come on, we knew it was her. It's not like she had on some masterful disguise. She pistol-whips Lex across the face and he falls to the floor. She looks at him with disgust and then smiles.
Commercials. Update from Subway's Jared: "I'm still not fat. Annoying, yes. Fat, no."
Since the episode title inevitably has to be referenced in the events of the episode, Lex is once again bound. But not by ropes; he's duct-taped to a chair in his own office with a piece of it across his mouth. No-Longer-Mysterious-Red is pointing a gun at Lex as he wakes up. She asks if he's going to be quiet. Lex nods. She pulls the tape off. Lex breathes heavily. Lex asks how she got past his security. She told them he'd been drinking in Metropolis and needed help getting home; they even helped carry him to his office. Lex asks why she brought him there. "Because this is where it all happened," she says. "This is where I earned my earrings." Haaawwwwt! The first time, at least, she says. She tells Lex that he remembers the recent night, but not the first time they did the lair-libido-lunge. She reveals that she had a fiancé she cheated on with Lex because she thought Lex loved her. Hmm, that sounds a lot like a bad move on her part, no? When she broke up with her fiancé, she called to tell Lex, and he wouldn't take her call. "I'm sorry," Lex tries. "If I had known..." Three months later, she bumped into Lex outside of LawyerLady's, and he didn't recognize her. Ooo, anonymous burn. She puts a hand on his shoulder and circles behind him. She leans in close behind Lex as she says she started going through Lex's files, and found out she wasn't the only one. "Eve Andrews," Lex says, referring to the dead woman. "Among others," Engraged Red finishes. "She was such a fan," she says. The woman agreed to come to the hotel when Red told her Lex wanted to see her. Then she slipped a little something into Lex's drink after they "made love." Lex winces. "You rigged the test," Lex says. She switched the results. Now a Kennedy is totally gonna go free. Lex says she was the one who sent him to her house. "You were supposed to get caught," she says, "but you didn't. So here we are." Lex struggles in his chair. Damn this very strong consumer-brand tape!