Episode Report Card Omar G: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex, Lies, And Security Video
By Omar G | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.16.2004
At The Torch, Chloe is poking holes in Lex's story to Clark. She says that the woman was stalking Lex, yet he didn't know what she looked like. Clark says that Lex claims not to have seen her before. But Clark is more heartbroken that Lex lied about "all those women." Emphasis on "women." Clark asks if Chloe thinks Lex did it. She says the "firestarter" thing doesn't scream innocence, but that there's something strange about this case. Chloe shows something to Clark on her computer. It's security-camera footage from the elevator. Hot! All it needs are some sorority chicks to be a huge internet success! Clark thought this would all be in the hands of Lex's legal team. Chloe says that they know people at the top, but that she knows people at the bottom, and they work for tips. Hee. Chloe zooms in on a still image from the black and white video. She points out that, in one shot, Mystery Red has on two diamond earrings. Chloe says, hilariously, that she's going to skip past all this "gross Zalman King" stuff. Did you know they still show Red Shoe Diaries, like, almost every night on Showtime? It's built for the ages, I suppose. Also, why is Chloe so grossed out by such hot material? Later on in the video, Chloe points out that Mystery Red has lost an earring. Chloe explains that the police report said the dead woman was wearing two diamond earrings. "Either she found it, or..." Chloe begins. "...or Lex was with two different women," Clark finishes. HOT! Oh man, I need a glass of water! Would you excuse me for a minute? Oh, wait. One of them was dead. Never mind. Not so hot. No more ice necessary.
Lair of Lex. LawyerLady finishes a telephone conversation. Lex looks up from some papers he was looking at. LawyerLady says that her assistant just called: Lex's toxicology screening was negative. Lex doesn't buy it. He thinks the test was altered, and also believes Papa Luthor was the culprit. LawyerLady paints a grim picture of Lex's legal case: now that they've identified the body, they have motive. LawyerLady asks whether Lex knows why he was being stalked. It sounds like she knows the answer. "Because you slept with her eighteen months ago!" she spits, "and then you sent her a pair of diamond earrings as a consolation prize!" LawyerLady asks how Lex could forget that. Lex says he doesn't always get their names or remember their faces. So Lex is a sexual addict and we're just now finding this out midway through Season 4? Nice, Smallville. Fucking nice. "I suppose it doesn't help that we all look alike," LawyerLady says slyly. "I was your type, too. Or don't you remember that either?" Lex stands up. He says he remembers. Doesn't sound like it was that great, though. "Ooh, goodie for me," she says. Lex accuses her of enjoying all this. And getting paid, I might add. She admits that she's getting some satisfaction watching Lex hoisted on his own "petard." "Petard"? What the fuck is a petard? Hold on a sec...according to Dictionary.com: "To be hoist by one's own petard," a now proverbial phrase apparently originating with Shakespeare's Hamlet (around 1604) [Omar's note on that year: spooky coincidence? You decide] not long after the word entered English (around 1598), means "to blow oneself up with one's own bomb, be undone by one's own devices." It also can mean "fart." No, seriously. I'm glad "petard" isn't the far-less-intelligent brother of the captain from Star Trek: The Next Generation, as I originally guessed. Lex says that the view from up there is exceedingly clear. And the air is clear, so he can stand there and petard all he wants and nobody will even smell it. Lex says that whoever did this had to have access to his legal files to know about the stalking. Lex says that maybe it's not his dad after all. He slyly accuses LawyerLady of being involved. She smiles and says she knew there might be a conflict in taking this case. She quits. Takes her briefcase. Leaves. Lex didn't anticipate that move.