Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Retard Family Values
By Keckler | Season 8 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.07.2006
The trio lands in the dank and forbidding alleyway and note the various bodies sprawled under the Convenient Shipping Pallets Of Grave Bodily Injury. The Retards gasps and asks if the bodies are dead. Apparently, Ma and Pa aren't very good assassins because all are still breathing. "Looks like your parents were just toying with them," Raige explains, and out pop Ma and Pa Retard from the back entrance of a restaurant called "Café di Tutti." Phoebe spastically throws the stunning potion, but Pa Retard fires and destroys it mid-arc. Whatever, 00Retard. Retard pleads with her parents that they just want to help them. Ma Retard sneeringly wonders why the Retard keeps calling them "Mom" and "Dad." The Retard looks hurt by this (EVEN THOUGH THEY SAID BASICALLY THE SAME THING AT THE MANOR, SO IT'S NOT LIKE IT’S THE FIRST TIME SHE'S HEARD IT! PLUS? SHE ALREADY KNOWS THEY AREN'T THEMSELVES, SO STOP WITH THE FUCKING HURT BUNNY LOOK ALREADY! Damn, and I was so hoping my head wouldn't explode tonight) and instead of orbing the friggin' gun, Raige makes a panicked show of orbing the three witches out just as Ma and Pa Retard start firing again.
At Mucky Muck's offices, Mucky Muck complains to Sgt. Pepper about her failure to handle something. Sgt. Pepper asks if she's ever let him down. "No," Mucky Muck admits, "but yesterday I had only one witch to worry about, now I've got three." Wait, why is he having to worry about them, exactly? Sgt. Pepper informs him that they aren't just any three witches, they are the Charmed Ones. Oh, god, please stop mistaking the Retard for being a Charmed One! She isn't and never will be, no matter how many spoiled Milk Cartons Brad Kern drags out of his ass! Mucky Muck complains that he doesn't have the power to stand up to them. "You don't have the power to stand up to anyone, demonically speaking, I mean," Sgt. Pepper reminds him, "but you don't have to. As far as they know, you're human and they can't touch you." Oh, I guess this is because the Retard made him touch the enchanted paper, so now she knows he's magical in some way. Mucky Muck just doesn't want them getting in the way of him killing his cousin. Sgt. Pepper reveals that she's going to have Pa and Ma Retard do the killing. Pa and Ma Retard make out in a hotel room to the tune of wah-wah Remington Steele music until they hear a knock at the door. Poised and ready with gun, knife, and Ma Retard's cleavage, all which will certainly make the room service guy pee his pants, Pa and Ma Retard fling open the door and yank their guest inside. Mucky Muck is on the other side carrying one of those silver briefcases that are always filled with money, bombs, or weapons on television. Mucky Muck makes them an offer they won't refuse, and flips open the briefcase to show them a padded interior with a few cell phones, name tags, a mini recorder, and a pen. Mucky Muck explains it's everything they need to get through security for the job he hasn't even detailed to them. He notes that the weapon is also there for them to figure out. Ma Retard examines a blood red folder that gives them the details on the mark. Pa Retard asks what's in it for them. "Whatever you want," Mucky Muck offers. Ma Retard giggles. "We're in," Pa Retard says as Ma Retard drops the folder on the bed so we can see a big eight-by-ten of Mucky Muck's cousin.