Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Retard Family Values
By Keckler | Season 8 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.07.2006
At the Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World, Raige clomps into Henry's office and they banter-flirt. Flanter? Blirt? Both sort of sound like gastrointestinal emanations. Henry asks after the Dolt and whether or not they've heard from him. Raige tells him they haven't, something he would know if he returned her phone calls. She ends her sentence with a teasing click of her tongue that should make Henry wonder why she's taking her brother-in-law's mysterious disappearance so lightly. Henry is cutely chagrined and ashamed when he realizes that he never did return her calls, and promises he's not blowing her off. To prove it, he offers to meet her at P3 after her dinner with the Retard's parents. Raige agrees to the date and orders him not to be late as she flares her Jungle Red lips at him. Henry smiles sadly after her. Oh man, he's going to turn out to be magical as well, isn't he? Let's see -- as a parole officer, I guess it would make sense for him to be a Whitelighter. However, I would kill to see Ivan Sergei in those gold choir robes, so I hope they make him an Ever Useless Elder.
A homeless guy pushes a cart full of his worldly possessions in front of a subway station. Note to the Charmed staff: while we do have lots of homeless people in San Francisco, we do not have subway stations. It's either the underground MUNI or the freaking BART, but neither of them is called the SUBWAY! Have any of these writers even BEEN to the Bay Area? Two nervous-looking tourists huddle under an umbrella and gaze fearfully around at the depravity around them. Look! That guy is standing there doing absolutely nothing but he's dressed all in black! Oh, and that other guy is unloading stuff from the back of a car and he's also all in black! Clearly, the Retard's parents aren't used to people wearing black. Oh, holy crap, somebody better call Keith Mars because I think we've discovered where Big Dick is hiding out -- in the folds of Ma Retard's neck! No one could ever find him in there. Eventually, the Retarded Bimbo pulls up in Phoebe's Mini and greets her parents with a string of babble and apologies for being late. Ma Retard is sweet and bubbly about the "cute car," while Pa "Big Dick" Retard is crabby and sarcastic about just about everything. I think I like him. While Sgt. Pepper watches, the Retard stows her parents in the car and asks, "Are you guys ready to see my school?" "That's why we're here," Pa Retard crabs as he makes a big show of being cramped in the car, which is total bullshit, by the way, because if my six-foot-one husband was able to be totally comfortable in the passenger seat of a Mini, then clearly this bumpkin can be as well. The Retard rolls her eyes at her father and drives off.