Episode Report Card Sars: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Baby
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.23.1998
I want James Earl Jones to go away and leave me alone. Just thought I’d share that.
Fade up from commercial on Bessie’s womb. Moments later, her abdomen bursts open and an alien drags itself -- oh, sorry, I meant to say that Bessie moans, "Where’s the damn ambulance?" and Dawson reassures her and Joey panics that they can’t "perform a birthing" because they haven’t even finished high-school biology. Dawson says, "There’s gotta be somebody in this town who knows what to do in this situation, right?" Joey stares at him; when she realizes he means Grams, her face hardens.
Jen, doing homework. Rummaging around in a drawer, she finds the Holy Bible. Clang! Jen comes out strong with a short jab: "What is this?" Grams blocks: "Standard King James edition, Old and New Testament[s] -- though I am partial to the later chapters." Jen goes in with an uppercut: "You know what I’m partial to, Grams? I’m partial to people who respect my privacy and the right I have to my own beliefs." Grams parries by not responding; Jen dances in close to land a few body shots: "And I know that atheism is about the least desirable trait any granddaughter of yours could ever possess, but it’s nothing you should take personally. And it’s not just God either, Grams -- I don’t have a whole lot of faith in man these days."
The ref calls time for a knock on the door, which Grams opens to find Joey. Joey bursts out, "Look, I know you don’t like me or approve of my family, and I know you can think of at least eighty reasons why Bessie and Bodie are the worst kind of sinners, but right now, as we speak, my sister’s sitting next door, in Dawson’s house, inches away from giving birth, and of those eighty reasons, I can’t think of any that the baby’s actually responsible for, so if you could remember that, as a nurse, you took an oath to help others in need and, well, it’d be really nice." Um, nurses don’t take an oath, as far as I know, but in any case, holy speed-talking, Batman! Grams withstands the onslaught of verbiage by glowering silently at Joey.
Cut to the waterfront. Pacey still has the same red shirt on, but the clock has apparently turned back, because despite all the sunset shots we’ve just seen, it looks like full day at the pier. Deputy Doug pulls up in his cruiser, gets out, and starts slinging a bunch of mud around about the rumor he heard in the barbershop; he implies that Pacey made the whole thing up, and that Pacey’s lies "must be tearing [TaMAHra] apart." Doug, in his customary non-charming manner, asks Pacey why he did it. Pacey says he wanted to let the town know that at least one of them "was having heterosexual sex," and asks Doug if it ever occurred to him to stick up for Pacey, and Doug laughs mirthlessly at that before telling Pacey that his "lies have made it all the way up the food chain" to the school board. Pacey blanches as Doug blathers on about the emergency board meeting to decide whether Miss Jacobs should have charges brought against her; he tells Pacey that Pacey has to attend also and says, "It’s funny, Pacey -- there are actually people in this town who take you seriously." Pacey grumbles, "Yeah, unfortunately you’re not one of them," and walks away dejectedly. Whatever.