Episode Report Card Sars: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Baby
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.23.1998
Meanwhile, back at the No-Fault Placenta -- I mean, the No-Fault Hacienda, Dawson tries to sell Bessie on the idea of videotaping the birth so that Bodie will have more than "a hazy second-hand story" to remember it by. Bessie, who has gotten even sweatier, reluctantly agrees, but says she wants "final cut." I love Bessie. Joey runs in, followed by Grams, and says she’s found someone to help Bessie, and Bessie closes her eyes and shouts, "Please -- don’t tell me you’ve done what I think you’ve done!" Dawson whispers, "God, what a movie!" and through the camcorder’s viewfinder we see Grams asking, as the union requires characters to ask in any scene involving a woman in labor, "How far apart are the contractions?" Bessie protests, "Joey!" as Grams massages her abdomen, and Joey sputters, "What? She’s a nurse, she can help!" and Bessie gasps, "She’s also a borderline racist who hates everything about me, and my boyfriend, and our unborn child!"
Jen comes in and asks, "Is everything okay?" and Grams takes Bessie’s pulse as Bessie leans as far away from Grams on the couch as she can. Grams comments drily, "Just having an impromptu home birth, nothing to be concerned about," and Bessie arches a damp brow and barks, "Really, because I’ve got a few concerns." Grams starts giving orders and reports that Bessie has a strong pulse and a normal temperature, and they move Bessie to a chair as Dawson films the action and Bessie yowls in pain, and Grams orders Dawson to get towels and washcloths as Bessie continues to object, and then she helps Bessie with her breathing while Joey props her up with sofa cushions. Grams says, "Thank you, Josephine," and Joey corrects her, "It’s ‘Joey,’ actually," and Bessie adds, "No, it’s ‘Judas,’ actually," and Sars snorts, "Heh!" Grams says she’ll make a deal with Bessie: "This is going to be a big day for you, and as your attending nurse, you [sic] may feel an overwhelming outpouring of gratitude towards me when we’re done here today. But I promise I will not take advantage of your postpartum bliss, and I will resist any urge to bond with you over the shared experience of this event if you will do me one small favor in return." Joey shifts from foot to foot and Bessie rolls her eyes and gasps, "What’s that?" Grams whispers, "Shut up," and as Bessie looks to Joey for backup, Grams yells, "Now where are those towels?" To hell with the 18-to-34 demographic -- can we please rename the show "Grams And Bessie’s Creek"? Please? Because only these two prevented me from falling into a boredom-induced coma during this episode.