Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lunchtime
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.25.2002
"I brought Kiefer here, I can handle him," says FauxYork to Gaines. Gaines tells him to "stop thinking."
Elsewhere in the TerrorWoods, Bride and Spawn notice all the smoke coming from the KieferKamper. Trying to quell their anxious thoughts that there might be a Kiefer on that barbie, the Kieferettes decide to keep moving toward the TerrorWaterTower where he told them to meet him.
Kiefer and Son In Lawlessness run further into the woods. SiL is hurt and needs to rest by a tree. Kiefer won't let him. Kiefer? Leave him there. Your daughter will find another orphaned pothead to date by the end of the week, 'kay? Their argument is kut short by the appearance of a TerrorMinion, who passes by their hiding place without discovering them. When the koast is klear, they kontinue on towards the TerrorWaterTower.
The Kieferettes are following the kreek to the TerrorWaterTower, but they notice a pickup truck in the distance. They hide in some bushes while more TerrorMinions exit the truck to go look for the KieferKlan. Bride tries to find an alternate route on the WhateverPalmPilot and konkludes that if they kut through the woods, they'll pick up the kreek again. "Dad told us to follow the kreek," whines Spawn. Uh, Spawn? If you want to get specific here, "Dad" told you to go to bed at a few minutes past midnight, and if you'd followed his advice back then, you'd be chowing down on a sloppy joe in your high school cafeteria while your friend PMMS lectured you on proper blowjob techniques right now instead of running for your life. Bride informs Spawn that they have no choice. They leave the kreek for the road less traveled.
Back at CTU, Nina kalls Kiefer's cell phone. No answer. Soul Patch comes by to tell Nina about some irregularities he's found in Cofell's background, but she's too worried about Kiefer to listen. "If anyone knows how to take kare of himself, it's Kiefer," says Soul Patch. But Nina isn't komforted. She beats herself up for not bringing Alberta in sooner. Soul Patch reminds her that she did what she thought was best for the KapturedKieferettes. Nina apologizes to him for being "harsh" lately. Whatever, Donna Martin! Then she starts to tell him something. An innocent remark about being stressed? The fact that she's selling secrets to Gaines, her secret lover? But before she can get into it, Alberta enters to inform the Broom Closet Twins that La Madre de la Jalapeno is on her way to CTU to pick up Kyle. Oh, Jesus! I guess this means that El Jalapeniño has been sitting in some waiting room this entire time, reading back issues of Highlights Magazine or Cricket or something. Alberta wants the Broom Closet Twins to detain La Madre de la Jalapeno when she arrives and ask her about the three hundred thousand pesetas that were recently wired into her checking account. Oh, and I just thought I'd point out that as Alberta becomes nicer, her hair gets fluffier.