Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lunchtime
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.25.2002
I am majorly crushing on this guy in the Dodge Caravan ad. You know, the one who's driving around picking up strangers and all their stuff who need him to drive them to tuba lessons, a civil war battle reenactment, the racetrack, et cetera. He should totally have his own soap opera in Bolivia. The TGI Friday's ad with the posing chefs? I will never forgive Anthony Bourdain for making the chef into today's rock star. Like people who work in kitchens don't have enough attitude as it is. And now we're supposed to get all dreamy about the losers who microwave chicken quesadillas at TGI Friday's? I'm so sure. And I would love to know where this yoga class is being taught where the smell of Aspercreme makes everyone run for the exits. When you are bent over a mat and the person in front of you has his butt in your face, the smell of Aspercreme is the least of your fears.
The time is 12:51:29 PM. Klockwise from the top left, the choppers are coming, and Kiefer finds a trail of blood on the ground. The Kieferettes see the choppers and do the Loretta Swit/Larry Linville sprint from their hiding place behind the shrub to flag them down. The copters land, and the military personnel get out and make the Kieferettes put their hands up until they realize who they are. And no, they don't shoot Spawn so she can't breed later. Bride hysterically tries to inform the men that her husband is still in the woods. Of course, I'm so used to all these plot twists that I just know these CTU agents are really TerrorMinions and they're going to kidnap Bride and Spawn all over again. So they're being escorted back to the copter, and Spawn starts sprinting away from everyone like she's Shirley Temple in the movie Heidi. She heads for the TerrorWaterTower, because Rick is supposed to be there. I have officially run out of Spawn insults. She has literally worked my last nerve to the point that all I can do is type the word "stupid," hit the repeat key, and hold it down for a half an hour. None of the CTU personnel try to stop her -- you'd think someone would want her detained and out of the way so that she wasn't interfering with their military action -- nor does anyone stop Bride from running after her. Rick isn't in the water tower. "Where is he?" whines Spawn, flapping her arms around just like James Van Der Beek. "I'm sure they'll find him," says Bride. "What if Gaines's men find him first?" says Spawn. "Well, then he'll be dead and then, uh, he'll be taken out of here in a body bag," quips Bride. It's official. I love Bride! Not to mention the fact that I am in awe of her impulse control, because I'd be slapping the shit out of Spawn right now if I were her. Bride convinces Spawn to get into the copter and leave the finding of her pothead kidnapper to the people in charge. As it turns out, Rick is so creeped out by Spawn's neediness that he's run away and found this bus stop on a highway, where he sits and waits for the next bus back into town.