Episode Report Card Potes: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lipstick on a Pigford
By Potes | Season 17 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.26.2011
When we return, there is Tyra Mail: "If it doesn't make dollars, it doesn't make sense. Fierce and love, Tyra." I don't think this is strictly true, particularly when you look at something like Modelland which probably DID make dollars but will never, ever make sense. Lisa jokes that she's in this business to make hundreds and hundreds of dollars, and the models all laugh because they are more self-aware than we give them credit for. We cut to a few of the ladies doing their hair. Kayla asks Bianca, "What's my strength?" Oh no, is this some horrible time of day known as "Candid Hour with Bianca"? It just seems like not a good idea. Bianca tells Kayla that her strength is that she's a good model. When Kayla asks what her weakness is, Bianca says that Kayla doesn't have a personality that translates to a broader audience. I think she's being kind of tactful there, as she's not saying that Kayla has no personality at all, but rather that it just doesn't come across on this particular TV show. Even Kayla acknowledges that this is kind of true.
In turn, Kayla tells Bianca that her strength is that she's very memorable, and her weakness is that she can be portrayed as a bitch, and bitches never win. This statement is clearly a falsehood, as evidenced by this very episode's second-billed special guest, Miss Eva "Marcille" Pigford. I think what Kayla means is that "Bitches who don't let Tyra break them down never win." That statement I could get behind. But if you're willing to cry and have a season-long transformation arc, there's really nothing stopping you but your own inability to tooch. Kayla tells Bianca that not everybody's going to like her, which Bianca frankly seems fine with, and Bianca then tells Kayla that you just don't want to be the person Tyra labels as "forgettable." Do you remember, back in the day, there was one person who Tyra pretended to forget to even judge, because of how non-existent her personality supposedly was? She was like, "Oooh! I didn't even see you there!" [Note: Nicole, Cycle 3 -- RS.] Sometimes this shit is worse than a Kardashian wedding.
The girls head to the historic roof of the historic Roosevelt Hotel, where Nigel awaits them. He notes that historic guests such as Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor all enjoyed their stays at the Roosevelt. Does he have customer survey archives or something? "Elizabeth Taylor rated her stay at the Roosevelt an eight out of possible ten points!" Speaking of Liz, the girls will today be creating something that brought her over $60 million in sales last year alone! Memorial turbans, you say? No, it's White Diamonds from the Dead! The girls will be creating their own signature fragrance. They seem excited, though I have to say that celebrity fragrances always make me want to gag, with one great exception -- Uninhibited by Cher. Yes, I still have some. I mean, I never wear it, but I do like to gaze upon it lovingly from time to time.