Episode Report Card Potes: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lipstick on a Pigford
By Potes | Season 17 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.26.2011
Bianca's fragrance is called "Candid," and even though it's the same as her lame branding word, she tells us that that's okay because it actually does represent who she is quite well. Ben recommends scents that evoke a cool, tough bad girl. "Candid" smells like stank, mixed with notes of Queens on trash day. Bianca tells us that she wants it to smell like her personality, so I'd say that's more or less accurate. Then there's fucking Alexandria, who names her fragrance "Diamondatrix." It smells like rotting brains. Alexandria takes about a year to sniff all of the various fragrances as the other girls make faces behind her back. Let's leave it to my beloved, candid Bianca to assess this situation: "Wrap this up. People are yawning, the sun just rose and set. Christmastime arrived, and we're back in the summer. That girl can work a nerve."
Nigel reappears to tell the girls that he hopes they created a million dollar fragrance, and will in fact be launching their smelly wares to their fans and the general public tonight. Each contestant will be assigned a station, which consists of a bathtub filled with water, their perfume, and bath and shower gel infused with their various fragrances. Nigel tells the girls that they should literally be in the bathtub, selling their fragrances to the public, from the bath. None of the ladies look like they think this is very fun. But Nigel says that it's important, and that their fans will be scoring them and determining the challenge winner. What's more, the winner of the challenge will be safe from elimination at this week's judging. Laura suddenly is beside herself with excitement, or maybe she's having an episode. Somebody should probably stick a wallet in her mouth either way.
The girls are instructed to get glammed up, and they seem to have wardrobe and makeup selections waiting for them backstage. Bianca is the unhappiest of all, and says that the whole thing is crazy. She adds that Eva would never lower herself to selling perfume from a bathtub, and neither would Toccara. Nor, she says, would Tyra, who conducts herself as a business woman. I think Bianca is forgetting about how Tyra once outfitted herself as the "Good Fierce Witch." It's just, you know, she's fucking crazy. But Bianca plans to conduct herself as a lady. In an interview she asks, "When am I going to be taken seriously as a model, rather than a gimmick?" Probably when she stops appearing on America's Next Top Model altogether, I'm thinking. Bianca says that she knows her brand better than anyone else and knows when to say no. She tells the other ladies that you'll never get respect as long as you keep doing stupid shit, and you can tell by Lisa's face that she's long since given up on "respect" as a concept or practice. As Lisa says that Bianca's digging herself into a hole, and we reflect on how lovely it is to see someone actually call this show out on its shit, we head to commercials.