Episode Report Card Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT 100 Light Years From Home
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.16.2002
Jack sits on the beach house porch's overhang and talks quietly on the phone, looking very perturbed. Joey and Jen stand on the porch beneath him, and manage to coax him off of the roof as soon as he gets off the phone. Jack shakes off whatever was bothering him, and tells the girls that he's about to go to the market for "provisions." Jen and Joey start chattering about yogurt and cold medication, but Jack stops them. "I said the necessary provisions. That's beer and Jell-O." Ah, well do I remember those days. Okay, maybe not really all that well.
Joey's phone rings; it's Charlie. Long story short, he's been calling her every three hours, trying to talk her into giving him her address. Long story even shorter: he's stalking her. "No problem," Joey finally tells him. "I'm at 359 Get Over It Avenue, on the corner of No Way in Hell and Main." Wow, I'm right down the street at 147 Shut Up and Do It Already, just off Kill Me Now Boulevard. She hangs up on him with a self-satisfied smile.
The gang, sans Jack, hangs out poolside, looking bored and slightly chilly. Pacey suggests they play strip poker. The girls shoot him disgusted looks. "Come on! It's not like I haven't seen you all naked before," he says. This prompts three completely horrified glares. When did he ever see Jen naked? I know they did some making out, but nudity? Not so sure. Jack eventually shows up, handing Pacey a beer. Guess who comes up the walk next? No, guess! No, really, guess! Okay, it's no one you've ever heard of, but the kids all recognize him as "Chris Hartford," a big-time movie star clearly based on Josh Hartnett, combed down bangs and all. Josh Hart-not (tm Kalypso21) strolls right into Audrey's backyard, clearly thrilled to see her. "Oh my God, the movie star I ordered finally got here! I was so worried," Pacey twitters in a quiet falsetto to Jack, who snorts. Pacey's expression grows vaguely more perturbed, however, when Josh starts fawning all over the clearly uncomfortable Audrey, who eventually explains rather shirtily that she and Josh went to high school together. She asks, irritated, what he's doing there. Blah blah blah, MTV, yadda yadda yadda nameless pop band concert yammer yammer yammer everyone would just loooooove to join the MTV beach bash just down the road.
Pacey and Audrey and Joey hang slightly back, as Jen and Jack follow Josh Hart-not to the Product Placement Party. Audrey immediately cuts Pacey off at the pass, telling him right off the bat that she and Josh never dated. "We were just friends! What do I look like, the Whore of Babylon?" she asks. "Don't answer that," she says. Yeah, Audrey? The "I'm A Naughty Vixen" act is over; everyone knows you're not a whore. Was anyone watching last week other than me? God. Anyway, Pacey's all, okay. Then he leaves so that Audrey can inform Joey that, in fact, she totally dated Josh Hart-not and that he's "the one [she] [thinks] about every time 'In Your Eyes' comes on the radio. [Her] perfect high-school boyfriend." First of all, Audrey was a fetus when "In Your Eyes" first came out (I was practically a fetus myself). And, man, this episode is full of Cameron Crowe references, from the Almost Famous bit in the opening scene (and, of course, Jack's leap from the roof of the beach house into the pool later in this episode), and then this Say Anything... reference, and the thing is, I really don't understand why. Are the writers on a big Cameron Crowe kick? Were they just trying to be clever? I pray to God they're not making some Dawson Is The Next Cameron Crowe meta-statement, because, um, not.
Although I have to admit that I will accept Dawson hooking up with Joey if -- and only if -- Joey parlays her newfound rock-star status into a gig as a singer in a Heart-esque band with Bessie. They could run all over North America, wearing pleather catsuits and singing power ballads, and then Bessie could gain some weight and get very bitter about Joey getting all of the attention, but then they'd make up because they're sisters and sisters love each other. Second, why is Audrey lying to Pacey? He knows she's had some sex before. Why didn't she just tell him that Josh is her ex, and leave it be? Oh, because no one on this show can have an angst-free relationship, even if the angst is utterly contrived and forced down everyone's throats. If the writers wanted angst, I don't understand why they didn't explore a more realistic story line in which Audrey and Pacey fall for each other, and Joey is enormously hurt by it, and see where that goes. Just a suggestion.