Episode Report Card Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT 100 Light Years From Home
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.16.2002
Singing. Singing. Singing. Singing.
So, Josh Hart-not and Pacey get down to business and have a literal pissing contest: Josh susses out the Audrey sitch in the men's room. After pleasantries, he wonders if Pacey knows Audrey well; Pacey says that he does. Josh smarms that Audrey is really great. "You got a question you want to ask me?" Pacey asks, wondering if Josh had a crush or something on Audrey in high school. "We dated for two years," Josh says, looking at Pacey like he's just grown another ear in the middle of his forehead. Pacey looks somewhat taken aback, but covers. "Well, damn!" he chuckles uncomfortably. "I guess that crush worked out pretty well for you, man." Josh grins patronizingly. "I was trying to find out if you guys are...and I guess you're not, so cool," he says. Nicely said. "Why 'cool'?" Pacey asks, looking rather sad. Josh just shrugs that he's been remembering how much he "adores" Audrey. At this, Pacey makes an abrupt exit. Josh spends the next several minutes admiring himself in the mirror.
Next is a very silly and stupid scene wherein Charlie hits on some MTV chippie, and Joey cock blocks him by telling the chippie that he's the little kid in Hanson, "all grown up." The girl stares at Charlie, then thanks Joey for clueing her in. "Like, I probably would have hooked up with him and how embarrassing would that have been?" she asks, before scampering off. Charlie gives Joey a very dirty look. Dude, Hanson rocked! Okay, maybe "rocked" is too strong. But "Mmm Bop" is really catchy.
Fade into another series of the Flashbacks of Pain: more dramatic rejections, bad hair, breakdowns on the dock, flaring and heaving and puffing and sobbing, bralessness, and hair flipping, and tears. As far as I'm concerned, these flashbacks do nothing other than further convince me that Dawson and Joey should run far, far away from each other and never, never look back. Never. Ever.
Cut to Dawson and Pander in the car. Pander is crying. Yes. Crying. What? He's sensitive. "It's all very sad. All very...Merchant Ivory. How does it end?" he asks. Dawson shrugs that it doesn't. "In your heart of hearts, how would you want it to end?" Pander asks. Dawson lies that he just wants Joey to be happy, which we all know is really the furthest thing from the truth. He wants her to be with him, happily or no. "Jeez, Louise, you are boring!" Pander bursts out. "I think it should end tragically. Ten years from now, she passes you on the street. You're penniless and pathetic. And you run after her, but she thinks you're just some crazy bum. And then just as you're crossing the street, you get hit by a bus." Marry me, Pander. Dawson mock-glares at him. "You definitely have a problem with endings," he says. Pander prods him for more Dawson/Joey dirt. "I live for this junk," he coos.