Episode Report Card Shack: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jock Trap
By Shack | Season 4 | Episode 26 | Aired on 07.23.1998
Unfortunately for Steve, though, all the Blue Ribbons are waiting outside for him. Gavin asks him if "[he] can have this dance." Ugh -- save crappy lines like that for Die Hard VII: Make With The Dying Already, thank you very much. They've already grabbed Rachel and carted her off for her initiation. Chug charges Steve and knocks him down. He holds him down with his foot as the other Blue Ribbon kids surround him. U.V. watches all this from behind a tree. He knew this was going to happen, because albinos have psychic powers. That's the only thing that makes sense anymore. Cut to some dank corridor, where the Blue Ribbon jocks are carting a strapped-down Steve to his eye-piercing fate while telling him how much he's going to love it. They pass by another room, where he sees Rachel being strapped into a chair. He's wheeled into a separate room. Two men in lab coats drag Steve over to a chair. He manages to break free for a moment and leans onto a nearby utensil table. The men grab him again, failing to realize that he's grabbed a scalpel. He palms it as they strap him into the chair. Dr. Caldicott strides in and shines a flashlight in Steve's eyes, prepping him for the implant. Steve tells him everybody's going to notice how he's different when they release him. Caldicott is all, "Duh! You'll be better." Steve points out that this new version of him is going to get good grades and play sports, but will also occasionally rape and murder people. Caldicott: "To cure cancer, you gotta kill a few white mice." Fail to roll my eyes. Oops. Couldn't not do it. Steve repeats Betty Caldicott's line about Smurfs in order to get a reaction from the doctor. He looks surprised, but simply responds that she was a battle he lost, but things will be different now. He finishes prepping Steve and leaves. So we get this "A Clockwork Bore-ange" crap of Steve's eye being forced open while he's flooded with images of happy, achieving kids and words that exhort him to excel and be a good person. Some of the images are of female cheerleaders and figure skaters with pretty, pretty tutus. Is he supposed to use them as models of behavior as well? No wonder these jocks end up confused. They're not sure if they want to screw the girls or be the girls. Anyway, as these images are flooding his brain, a drill is approaching with the chip in it to shove into his eyeball. Steve uses the scalpel to cut through the straps of one arm. He manages to push the drill away. A doctor comes to try to stop him. He slashes at the guy with the scalpel and pulls his way out of the machine.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next