Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's Absurd! It's A Bane! It's Supertard!
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.12.2005
And it's followed by a scene that is the exact opposite of fun, as this one prominently features the oddly proportioned and maggoty-necked Retarded Bimbo that they need to fire RIGHT NOW. Ahem. Back at the warehouse, the begloved Retard blows dust off a pair of glasses, and as I simply cannot bear listening to a single goddamned word that flies out of her crooked, overly glossed, and lispy fucking mouth, I'll be skipping over her whole boy-bashing monologue to get to the point where she finds a tacky golden belt stowed away amongst the various other pieces of evidence. She foolishly snaps the thing around her waist and is instantly morphed into this episode's version of superheroine slutwear: A taut, belly-baring teal pleather bustier that barely snaps shut in the front, with matching wristbands and collar, all over a black pleather miniskirt. We can't yet see them, but I already know the accompanying dominatrix boots are hideous. Her frightfully damaged hair, by the way, has been tightly braided into three massive faux-cornrows, and it's just disgusting. The Retard glances down at herself and yowls, "What just happened?" "We're screwed," Phoebe grumps. "That's what just happened." The Retard austistically flaps her hands into the commercial break.
OH MY GOD, SHUT UP, PHOEBE. The hag in question has thrown herself into an unbearably selfish monologue about Piper taking the car and Raige never being there when a gal needs an orb, or something like that, as she ambles down a sidewalk on the Paramount backlot with the ludicrously attired Retarded Bimbo, who's drawing catcalls and sneers from various passersby while she tries and fails to unhook the tacky golden belt from around her waist, and you two hideously stupid morons can flag down a goddamned cab at any time now. No? Fine, then. In that case, I'll just ignore everything that follows to note that The Retard does have the good grace to look thoroughly mortified by the entire experience, but from what I've heard through the grapevine, that's actually more Kaley Cuoco's embarrassment than the character's. She evidently burst into tears when she first saw what the perverted producers intended her to wear for this episode, and I did feel sorry for her when I read about that. Then I remembered the obscene amount of money she's being paid for all of this, and I decided Kaley Cuoco can just suck it the fuck up and knock it off with the fucking bitching. The Retard's expected knee-high boots, by the way, are actually more Ilsa, She Wolf Of The SS than Doris The Dominatrix, and the mid-thigh mini she's sporting features gold racing stripes down the sides. In any event, Phoebe mentions her own past transformations into mermaid, mummy, and genie, and if I'm remembering them correctly, none were exactly her fault the way The Retard's to blame for her own predicament this evening, but whatever. After some random jackass on the street yells, "Hey, Superhero Babe!" The Retard cringes and pouts, "Someone please vanquish me now!" Bitch, the audience has been screaming for that for the last seven episodes. Zip it. Phoebe finally -- finally -- hails a cab, but the stupid Retard rips the back door off with her newfound superstrength, so the two idiots race off down the sidewalk on foot.