Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's Absurd! It's A Bane! It's Supertard!
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.12.2005
We cut from Phoebe's comic grimace over to the Not!warts Not-So-Great Hall, where we find Kappa Kappa Klea storming into the room to rage, "I need more power!" Yes, Jennifer Tung's back, playing an entirely different character this evening than she was the last time we saw her nearly five years ago. I'll be taking a page from The Done One's book on the forum boards, and shall refer to this character as "Zeta Zeta Zira." Actually, it'll be "ZZZ" for short, because her subplot is indeed that boring. Incidentally, Tung's dropped an awful lot of weight since her last appearance, and she's looking rather harsh and pinched as a result. Shame, really, for she really was quite striking the last time around. Well, from what I remember, of course, because that particular hour was a sleeping pill in episode form, but whatever. ZZZ clomps over to a dorky-looking henchdemon who's positioned himself over a bubbling cauldron so she might tear the guy a new one for taking so long to complete his vaguely specified task. She's tired of being beholden "to that brute," you see, and is "getting restless," whatever all that means. Just then, That Brute squiggles into the room with a quartet of his own henchdemons to sneer, "Where's the potion -- why isn't it ready yet?" The instantly obsequious ZZZ assures her boss that she has the matter well in hand, addressing said boss as "Tai" as she does so. That Brute mutters something threatening before stalking out of the room, his little henchdemons trailing after him all in a row. ZZZ drops the groveling act the instant he's gone to reveal tonight's Nefarious Demonic Plot For Underworld Domination: Basically, she's going to off That Brute "and every last male demon" so she might assume control of Hell for herself. Yeah, not gonna work at all, but the henchdork does have the good sense to look more than a little worried about that whole kill-all-the-male-demons bit of ZZZ's speechifying. Heh. Jennifer Tung gets all crazy-eyed and intense right before the shot cuts over to...
...The Retarded Bimbo blowing bubblegum during a lecture at her stupid college, and my interest in this episode just plummeted. She sucks. So does her professor, who's nattering on about "the battle of the sexes" and how "The Yin/Yang Theory" explains why men and women don't kill each other, and this entire sequence is stupid and annoying and insulting and dull. Basically, The Retard makes it clear that, for some reason about which I could not care less if I tried, she hates men and believes the world would be better off without them. Just go with it. After that, her cell rings, and it's Phoebe, calling from the warehouse, so The Retard bails on the lecture, despite the fact that she's got a midterm in the class that same day, and this whole Yin-Yang crap is supposed to be on that stupid fucking midterm, and I so do not care, because this show blows, and I want to die, and look at that! The camera, evidently caring as little for The Retard's subplot as I do, has transported us over to P3, where Holly Marie Combs has been given the thankless task of advancing this evening's asinine "Men Are Entirely Unnecessary" theme via the scene she's currently sharing with the Dolt's friend in the music industry. Long story short, This Smitty Person's a sexist pig, and Piper's about to deploy the Mighty Hands Of Discontent on his worthless ass when the Dolt steps in to hustle Smitty from the club. By the way, Piper had proposed in the middle of all that to attract a "headliner" by throwing a Hurricane Katrina benefit which, you know, since we're two months past the events of last season's finale, she should have done three and a half months ago, when the images from New Orleans were still top-of-mind for all of the monstrously self-serving trendoid Bay-Area yuppies her club tends to attract. Just saying. Are we done here? Yeah, it's over.