Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Have A Feeling We're Not In Toto Anymore, Kansas
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.25.2000
Wipe to Granny Caan's Maternity Ward For Unwed Witches. Granny's playing with a Tarot deck while the pregnant redhead groans through a contraction on the bed. Cole enters, and my God, does he look like a jackass. As if the Frampton Comes Alive! wig and floppy bow weren't enough, he's wearing a Restoration-Era black frock coat over a shirt whose sleeves puff out so far, he looks like he has Popeye's forearms. He dampens a cloth and moves to Charlotte on the bed. Charlotte orders him not to touch her. He replies it's unnecessary for her to be in any more pain than she has to be, and she asks him to let her go. Crisis of conscience for Cole, as he tells Charlotte that freeing her would do her no good, even if he were allowed to do so. Shocked gasp from Granny, leaning over the Tarot cards. She reads from them the current presence of "great good" from Cole's time. Cole guesses who that "great good" is, and tells Granny Caan not to worry, as he knows how to deal with them.
Coven Cavern. Ava Exposition presents the three Ps with cornhusk dolls, which she calls "totems," designed to remind them of their "power as women." More New-Age bullshit, as Alice in Covenland helps the sisters "reclaim" the symbols of witchcraft that had been denigrated in the twentieth century. The conical black hat allows them to focus their energy, the pentacle at the core of an apple protects them from evil when covered with a laurel leaf, masks conceal their identity from the demons who roam the earth on All Hallows' Eve, and a broom when swept from east to west sweeps evil from their path. I detail all of this only because it comes into play later in the episode. Otherwise, I would have slept through this low-rent witchcrap. "Knowledge," "reverence," "connect with the power of this day." Shut up, Alice. She tells the three that Betty the Extra Witch will accompany them to the festival while she remains in Coven Cavern to nurse her wound.
Settlement Central. Renaissance Faire in progress. Cole stalks through the festivities, to be joined by Granny Caan. Granny's not overly concerned about the presence of the three Ps, but Cole reminds her that he's seen the future, and warns Granny Caan her "ignorance is [her] destiny." Cut to the three Ps approaching the settlement, with Betty Extra passing out the low-tech witchcrap trinkets. Phoebe gets a carved pumpkin in addition to her "totem" and mask, as this will turn away a demon if she happens to run into one. Whatever, Betty. Your scant few lines have no power in this episode. Be gone, before someone drops a top-heavy maiden on you. Betty Extra complies with my request, and the three Ps don their masks to join the Renaissance Faire already in progress.