Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Have A Feeling We're Not In Toto Anymore, Kansas
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.25.2000
Cut to the nearby colonial settlement, where preparations are underway for some sort of festival. The sisters, now fetchingly clad in appropriate period costume, approach cautiously through the surrounding wood, Ava Exposition in tow. Phoebe asks about the party preparations, and Ava Exposition notes it's the work of the kidnapper, "Ruth Caan." James's wife, I assume. If I had a TV that supported closed captioning, I'm sure I could tell you if her name is actually Cahn (Sammy), Conn (Didi), or KHAN! (Shatner, William). I don't, so Caan it is. Mistress Caan is throwing the shindig, purportedly to mock All Hallows' Eve, but Ava Exposition knows the real reason. Mistress Caan intends to "tap into the powers of dark magic" through the celebration. The sisters gaze warily upon musketed witch hunters mingling in the crowd. Ava Exposition notes that they're working for Ruth. Espying Micah, Prue notes with a gleam in her eye, "Not all of them." Phoebe makes mocking noises and moves to enter the settlement clearing. Ava Exposition points out some hammered-tin baubles hanging from the trees, and warns the sisters of these "talismans," which have prevented all prior efforts of the good witches to rescue the imprisoned pregnant woman. Phoebe smirks that talismans "don't pack much of a punch" where the sisters come from, and as the three ignore Ava's warning not to enter the settlement proper, one of the talismans fires up red and shoots an energy beam at the Halliwells, knocking them several feet back into the woods. General consternation among the colonists, and the witch hunters move to kill the four women. Prue tries to TK them and fails, Pipers attempts to freeze them and fails, Ava is horrified to discover the sisters' powers don't work in 1670, and a witch hunter shoots her in the arm. The three Ps grab Ava and retreat into the forest, witch posse on their heels.
Cut to a view of the action through a mullioned window. The camera pulls back to reveal a black-clad blonde watching the scene from the second floor of a house within the settlement. As if her garments aren't enough of a clue, she turns to address a bed-bound redhead with a British accent. This must be Mrs. Caan, who in fact looks old enough to be James's mother. Ruth tells the bed-bound "Charlotte" that her friend has once again tried and failed to rescue her -- this time, with the worthless assistance of three strangers. Charlotte determinedly insists Ruth will not steal her as-yet-unborn child, and Ruth begs to disagree, noting that in spite of the additional assistance Ava may receive from the Halliwells, she herself will be getting help from "somebody special who has just arrived." For Christ's sake, Elvira Caan, just whip out an hourglass full of Technicolor red sand and leave Charlotte to her contractions while you go for a joyride on your broom with the flying monkeys. She exits the bedchamber to chat with her "special somebody," who lurks in the shadows against the back wall. We all know it's Cole, people. Enough with this weak attempt at suspense. Ruth quizzes her visitor, saying she'd like to know how he imbued the talismans with such great power, and asking him who he is and from whence he came "pray tell." "Pray tell"? Oy, the pain this dialogue is giving me. Though not as bad as the pain Cole's period costume is about to inflict. Cole emerges from the shadows wearing a stringy long brown wig that screams "Peter Frampton" loudly into my ear, with a floppy white bow tied around his neck. I toss the wardrobe mistress a sullen glare as Cole announces ominously he's "from the future. To prevent it." Cut to commercial.