Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Have A Feeling We're Not In Toto Anymore, Kansas
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.25.2000
Phoebe, who really does look good in this episode with her blonde highlights twisted to frame her face, is approached by a huckster who promises to reveal the initial of her true love's name through use of an apple peel and a vat of rainwater. Phoebe declines, but a masked Cole approaches and urges her to go along with it, noting that apples are "the fruit of knowledge." He apparently does not recognize her, and she apparently can't get past that stringy Frampton's Camel 'do to realize who he really is, either. Huckster Bob peels off a strip of apple, tells Phoebe to blow on it, and drops it into the water. It uncurls to form a -- wait for it -- "C." "Cole," Phoebe murmurs. This is evidently enough to clue Cole in to who she really is, and the pumpkin leaps from Phoebe's garments to the ground to do…absolutely nothing. Eagle-eyed Granny Caan catches sight of this, and orders her guards to seize Phoebe. Prue and Piper rush to their sister's aid, but are captured as well. Granny Caan orders her guards to hang the Ps, a bemasked Micah notes it would be his pleasure to do so, he and Prue exchange Looks Fraught With Significance, Cole removes his mask to reveal a wounded and tortured expression on his downcast face, and we cut to a clearing outside the village.
The Witch-Hanging Oak. Piper, Prue, and Phoebe sit astride three horses, nooses knotted around their necks. Masked Micah rides up as Piper grunts, "Tell me this is not happening." More furtive yet significant glances between Micah and Prue as Cole belatedly arrives on horseback. "Hang, witch," quoth Micah, and the horses are prodded from beneath the Ps. At odd angles, the Halliwells swing in the breeze, a bit passively for women who should be strangling to death as first the posse, then Cole, watch for a moment, and ride away. Cut to black. Damn them! How will I make it through the commercial break without tearing out what remains of my hair in suspense and frustration? Oh, yeah. I own Heathers on VHS and could see what's coming even if I blindfolded myself and then tacked that blindfold in place by jamming an icepick through the fabric into each of my eyes.
Halliwells swing beneath the branches of the Witch-Hanging Oak. I knew I should've let them take those jobs at the mall. Micah approacheth, looketh he back behind him for them that would pursueth him, sidleth he over on horseback to the hanging tree, then slasheth with his blade at the rope. Ps fall to the ground, grimacing a bit in pain. Micah apologizes, noting he picked up the little trick of running the noose line to the waist from Veronica Sawyer, and I promise not to reference Heathers again in this recap.