Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Have A Feeling We're Not In Toto Anymore, Kansas
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.25.2000
Cole notes the three Ps have "connected," and says it's too late for them to accomplish anything. As Granny Caan attempts to get him to change his mind, one of her minions fires off a shot which penetrates the protective circle to ricochet off the stone altar. Charlotte gives birth to a girl as another couple of rounds whistle past the four women in the circle. Phoebe gets an idea for something that might frighten off the posse for good, announces she's "going to embrace the cliché," dons the conical hat, and perches herself on a broom. What she embraces is a crappy blue-screen effects sequence. The broom lights up and rises into the air, and Phoebe hovers over Granny Caan's minions, attempting to cackle ominously but managing to sound like a Tri-Delt at a frat kegger snorting Whip-Its. The posse scatters. Cole dismounts and opens up a portal in the ground before Granny Caan, then calmly steps down into it. Shot of Phoebe, riding her broom against the full moon glowing in the background. Shot of Piper and Prue, admiring the sight. Shot of Cuervo Gold, down my throat.
Coven Cavern. Cleaned-up bundle of joy, female variety, being cuddled by Alice in Covenland. She hands the kid off to Charlotte, and offers the Ps another "blessed be." Prue ribs Phoebe for being the source of the flying-hags-on-broomsticks cliché, and I hand her a copy of the Malleus Malificarum, printed in 1486. Phoebe wonders why TPTB haven't sent the sisters back to their present, and Prue guesses the three still have another lesson to learn in the past. On cue, Charlotte provides said lesson: the child the Halliwells saved is Melinda Warren, a.k.a. Ur-Mom for the entire line of Halliwell witches. Lesson learned, the Coven Cavern's portal opens up and sucks the three through. Alice in Covenland parts her frosted lips as the wonder of sisterhood and Wiccan empowerment courses through her body, which is at one with nature and the universe and all of womynkind. Smell ya later, Alice.
Y2K Manor. A charming Victorian mantle clock strikes midnight as the portal opens in the front hall. The Festers await the return of the Ps, but just as Fester the First menaces, "I told you they'd come," Leo orbs in behind them and flings some of the potion at Fester's head. Vanquishing of the flesh-eating-bacteria sort commences, much to my delight. Before Leo can pop open a second vial of the potion, however, Fester the Second proceeds to strangle him with his own aura. In pop the Halliwells. "Haven't I vanquished you somewhere before?" Prue asks acidly, then TKs the remaining potion onto Fester the Second's bald head. More flesh-eating vanquishing, more delight from me. I enjoy this crap far too much. Vanquishing complete, Piper rushes to Leo's side, and as he insists he's all right, a still-blind Duhrryl staggers down the stairs. Leo restores Duhrryl's sight through a wave of his White Lighter hand across Duhrryl's face, then sweetly wishes Duhrryl "Happy Halloween" with a look of unbridled adoration on his face. Reaction shots of the sisters clearly indicate they have no plans to leave these two on their own in the future, and Piper is left to wonder if her boyfriend is really a home-wrecker with a taste for law-enforcement types.