Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Restitution Whores
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 05.23.2011
READY TO RUMMMMMBLE
Kathy, throwing the first motherfucking punch: "I just wanted to know like... What is going on."
Teresa: "What do you even mean?"
Kathy, getting real nasty: "You know, like... Things."
Teresa, zero to sixty in just a few Bay Breezes: "DON'T EVEN START WITH ME, KATHY. WE ARE DONE."
Kathy: "But like, clothes... And people... Chairs... I bought a chair once... I sit in it."
Teresa: "How fucking dare you talk that way to me? WHO DOES THAT?"
Kathy: "I just don't understand, Honey. Problems. Things. Vests."
Teresa: "He dumped me for his wife! His own sister! SUBSTITUTION WHORE!"
Kathy, to us: "...Talking to Teresa is something of an empty exercise, as it turns out."
Kathy: "What was awesome is how your kids were in danger and I saved them from your brutal animalistic nightmare."
Teresa: "You're bringing that up? All we did was get drunk and endanger a room full of people, including our own unattended children and some infirm relatives from the Old Country. IMPLICATION WHORE!"
Kathy: "Whoa, what? I totally won? This was easy."
Jacqueline: "Goddammit, Kathy. You blew your wad."
THE BROTHERHOOD OF MOTHERHOOD
Teresa goes running around the entire place screaming about whether or not Kathy saved her kids during the riot she caused. Random old people start screaming in Italian, and Caroline has to calm everybody down and act professional and get the people the fuck out of Teresa's way.
Caroline: "As you know, mothers and the act of mothering are the only things that matter in this life, and without them you have absolutely no identity whatsoever. I've always thought it was ironic that you give your babies your breast to suckle when they're young -- or in Albie's case, until they are thirty -- and spend the next eighty years sucking the life out of them again. It is the way of things. Therefore I knew that the most important thing -- and I'm speaking as a mother here, I don't know if I made that clear but I'm a mother, I have children -- was to get their moms out of that room. This is what I saw as being relevant. This is how I helped."
Teresa: "Kathy, suck a dick!"
Everybody: "Chill, please."
Teresa: "Yeah! Everybody, calm down!"
Everybody: "Teresa, you're the only one acting nuts. (Surprise.)"
Teresa: "I'm serious, you guys need to stop and think. Stop!"
Everybody: "We're just standing here watching you be crazy. We're good."