Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Restitution Whores
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 05.23.2011
Kathy: "I can't believe how fast Kim G was on that shit."
Kim G: "I have a crystal ball in the hole where I live. Where are your children."
CAROLINE ADVISES RANDOM PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR LIVES
Stranger: "Who are you?"
Caroline: "Stop talking. I didn't say you could talk. Now, do what I say."
Stranger: "Can I just put your makeup on, ma'am?"
Caroline: "Promise me that you will do everything that I say!"
Stranger: "Do I have to shave your face, Mom?"
Surprise #1: The strange makeup counter woman is Caroline's invisible daughter Lauren. She gets me every time.
Surprise #2: The reason "Posche 'fashion' show" is so déjà vu is because that's where Ashley yanked out Danielle's hair last year, and there was a stampede, and then Jacqueline stood in front of Danielle's car for an hour being scary. That was the first episode I ever saw. I broke down and said, "Why not?" and that's the episode I caught.
Lauren: "I'm hoping that the boys moving out will mean I have a relationship with my mother for the first time in my entire life."
Caroline: "You know, I can't wait until you move out."
Lauren: "So, kind of dumb to be having this nightmare Posche 'fashion' show at the Brownstone, huh? Sort of an easily avoidable trainwreck there, one might say?"
Caroline: "Circumstances being what they are, I coincidentally cannot skip the Posche 'fashion' show this year like I did last year, when I missed out on everything awesome. Coincidentally, we are holding it at the Brownstone. Coincidentally, everybody I know will be there. Coincidentally, my daughter is doing makeup. Whoever the hell that is."
Poor Lauren: "Yeah, I'm thinking this will go off without a hitch."
MELISSA PRETENDS TO TAKE HER KIDS TRICK OR TREATING
Joey: "[Babbling, resentful, possibly drunk.]"
Teresa: "[One unceasing, droning, dumb noise.]"
She is dressed like Wonder Woman, because it's so terribly hard to be her. All that self-control and fiscal responsibility can really get you down.
Melissa: "That sure was boring, parenting for five seconds. I'd better dress like a hooker and go get drunk."
Joey: "Yeah. I'm going to go put on a gold lamé dress."
Melissa: "Yeah, because... What?"
Joey: "I feel pretty. Just kidding, I like dressing up as a woman because they're not really human, so it's funny. Like blackface, but with tits."
Melissa: "I am dressed like Catwoman, I look amazing. And you are dressed like this cavewoman, in a wig, with these hairy pits... Oh my God you look exactly like Teresa."