Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mommies Dearest
By Al Lowe | Season 7 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.02.2006
Rory arrives at the house of Hep Alien and meets Zach coming out the door. "So, the honeymoon's over," she greets him, and adds a smirky "Is the honeymoon over?," hitting him with the one-two cliché punch. Zach, as humorless as ever, says that the whole trip was a parasitic fiasco: "It was the Stones at Altamont times a billion. Mexico suuucks!" Part of why it sucked so bad was that Lane and Zach had been so psyched to go. Zach had found this amazing deal at "Pedro's Paradise," which, instead of being an awesome condo with a beach view and a Jacuzzi, turned out to be a nasty room in some dude named Pedro's apartment, "twenty-three miles from the ocean with a view of a billboard for Mexican nasal spray."
(Note: I am now writing this recap from a plane. Are you freaking out at my mad tech skills? Do you know how much time I had to spend communicating with Pamie, AB Chao, and Glark in order even to figure out how to do this? AB was like, "Well, first you turn on your computer..." Beyatch. And now I am on the plane and yes, of course the woman in front of me just put her seat back. Oooh, seat 13A, I will get you for this. I don't know if you know this about me, Internet, but I am six feet tall. I need the extra half a millimeter provided by the upright seatback. Being from a race of giants makes air travel a challenge. So, now the screen is, like, leaned forward and I can hardly see what I'm typing, and yet...I soldier on. For you and only you.)
Zach continues to fill Rory in on the evil vacation, complete with Pedro's jerky friends, who stayed up all night playing the Devil's music and talking about Lane and Zach in secret code. Or, you know, Spanish. "Anyway," Zach concludes, "on the second day I got some parasite and I've been barfing, Linda Blair-style, ever since." He says he is feeling better, but that it now appears as though Lane has been afflicted with the same illness, so Zach's off to Doose's to get her some "ginger ale and saltines -- which, by the way, was all we ate in the way of Mexican food." Rory says she's sorry their trip was so sucky. "Yeah, well," Zach says, "live and learn. Now I know not to drink the water in Mexico -- which, by the way, somebody should really tell you." Yes, exactly. Someone should also probably mention to Zach not to stick his hand in a blender or drink battery acid or give his money to Malawaiian princes. "I'm glad you didn't kill Pedro," Rory says. "He's not worth it."