Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mommies Dearest
By Al Lowe | Season 7 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.02.2006
Rory gets serious: "Okay, you have got to walk me through what happened. I mean, not graphically, but...help me out here." Lane gives her the (literally) painful details. She and Zach decided that, since they had waited so long to have sex -- "and, God, if I had known what it was like, I would have gladly kept waiting" -- they would reenact the love scene in From Here To Eternity. Brilliant. "Wow, ambitious," Rory says. "Sex on the beach." Except, as Lane points out, what the movies never tell you is that sand? Is actually dirt: "It was dirty; it was cold; my hands were shaking. And I'm trying to remember stuff from school about condoms and bananas, and suddenly I realize...we've got crabs!" She means that there were actual, live crabs that were scuttling all over them. "And I was thinking," says Lane, "we took three buses from Pedro's apartment. For this." Rory is really upset for her, and says that once Lane feels better, she needs to try sex in a bed. "I'm open to the idea of a sexless marriage," Lane assures her. "I mean, it happens for some people, eventually. Why wait?" Rory again tells her that a bed with the added benefit of a comforter can really make a difference, but Lane remains skeptical.
On the street in town, Lorelai and Luke cross the crosswalk at the same time. Lorelai apologizes for, like, being outside at the same time he is, but Luke blows this off, cockily: "No, you don't have to be sorry. I'm fine." Lorelai sympathetically tells Luke that he doesn't have to be fine, because the situation is weird and she's not exactly fine, herself. "You're not?" he asks, and Lorelai says that of course she isn't. "Well, maybe you should punch Christopher's lights out," Luke suggests helpfully. "That really seemed to do it for me!" Lorelai is stunned and instantly furious. "Oh, so your boyfriend didn't tell you?" Luke snarks. "You two really need to work on your communication skills." LOVE IT. Listen, I am not letting Luke off the hook for his complete asshattery of last season. Not in the least. The way every character on this show is behaving right now is like looking into a window of adulthood in all its worst forms. I feel bad for Lorelai for getting shafted the way she did, but she is not blameless, of course, and adding the Christopher element to the equation nearly eliminated any empathy I felt for her. That being said, Luke is still being a huge, colossal idiot, but I must say I'm fully behind his violence against Christopher at the very least. That punch was a long time coming, and Lorelai should thank him for it. I guess Lorelai disagrees, though, because she tells Luke that if he needs to get his anger out, he should take it out on her, since she's the one he's mad at. Au contraire, he insists, saying he doesn't even care, and that she's the one who's still hung up over the whole thing. "So we're not getting married," he says, totally condescending. "It's okay by me. I mean, you're the one who proposed in the first place." She is, for once, speechless at his unbelievably unkind words, and the collective gasp in my house nearly sucked the air right out of the universe.