Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mommies Dearest
By Al Lowe | Season 7 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.02.2006
Later, Rory and Lorelai argue about the ranking on the deliciousness of their invention: dessert sushi. "You are honestly asserting that you like the Tootsie Roll-marshmallow-Twizzler roll better than the Butterfinger-Junior Mint-chocolate chip-Jujubee roll?" Lorelai asks. Rory says that she just doesn't think Butterfingers go with Jujubees. I have to agree, though Lorelai does call her crazy. In her defense, Rory says, she does like the Oreo-Red Hot sashimi, in which the Red Hots act as a dessert sushi wasabi. They figure they'll make their first and second million dollars on the dessert sushi invention, but decide to make the third million by go-go dancing. I'd give Lauren Graham a million Grahammies if she'd go-go dance for me, privately. Wait. Have I said too much? Possibly. I have had about sixteen cups of coffee, so, don't look at me like that. Rory and Lorelai make the unthinkable mistake of kind of making fun of Enter The Dragon, and Lorelai decides that what they need next is fried ice cream. "Ugh," Rory says. "Cows must envy your stomachs. I'm so full, I feel like one of those cats that's bred to have no legs." Oh, Bledel. You killed me right there. So full you're like a cat with no legs? That's brilliant. Lorelai says that her hunger is more spiritual than physical, and goes off to the kitchen to try to figure out how to fry up some ice cream, which, she discovers with great shock, they do not have. "The one time I feel like cooking," Lorelai calls from the kitchen, "and there's no ice cream to fry?!" When the phone rings, Rory is too much of a legless cat to answer it, and Lorelai tells her not to get it, anyway, since they are out of the country. Rory smiles when the machine picks up and she hears it's her father, but the smile is short-lived when she hears his message: "I know you said it was just a one night thing. I want to talk about it, and about you and me, so call me so we can talk."
Lorelai comes back into the room, her face pale. Rory knows. And is pissed. "You slept with Dad," Rory accuses. Lorelai cringingly admits that this is true, and Rory rants on: "That's just...I can't believe you slept with Dad. Is that why you and Luke broke up? Because you slept with Dad?" (Hello, in-laws. I hope you are enjoying this show I'm required to watch about women freaking out and sleeping with the fathers of their illegitimate children. As you've always suspected, I am the epitome of class. Why don't we just switch over to the Playboy Channel right now?) Lorelai is upset that Rory has discovered what happened, and tries to reassure her, saying that her breakup with Luke had occurred prior to the Dad-sleeping. "For how long?" Rory snarks, really pissed. "I mean, it couldn't have been long, because you and Luke have only been broken up for, what, three days?" Lorelai hangs her head and says yes, it happened the night of the breakup. "Wow," Rory says, disgusted. "Sounds like you were in quite a hurry. Did you put a dummy in the passenger seat so you could use the carpool lane?" Kind of a weird insult, but it stings nonetheless. Lorelai gets offended and gives her a "Hey! Rory!" in the mother voice, but Rory rants forward: "No! You don't get to 'Rory' me. You slept with Dad!" She asks if Lorelai and Chris are "an item" now. Lorelai, frustrated, says no, and that the whole thing meant nothing. "Mom," Rory says, getting more angry. "You slept with Dad." Lorelai: "For the love of God, will you please stop saying that?" Rory says she can't help it; she's just so shocked and upset. Lorelai defensively throws up her hands, saying that she's not perfect; even Gwyneth Paltrow dyed her hair that unattractive brown color, and if Gwyneth's not perfect, how can anyone expect Lorelai to be? "Yeah," Rory snarks. "Because what you did is equivalent to dyeing your hair. That's great." She's particularly upset that if her parents start up this bullshit again, it will mess up all their hard-won relationships: "Things were finally good between you two, and between me and Dad. Did you not care that things were finally really good between me and Dad? I mean, did you not want us to be close? Did you mean to ruin that?" Lorelai is crushed -- she says that of course she did not mean to mess things up between any of them. She loves that things between all of them have been good, and apologizes again: "I was hurting; I was heartbroken and it happened. I slept with Dad. It's over now and it was a mistake." I kind of wish Lorelai would stop saying "Dad" like she's talking about her own dad. A lot.