Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mommies Dearest
By Al Lowe | Season 7 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.02.2006
Lane says that she hasn't told Zach yet; she's just been sitting there, freaking out. Rory can't get over that she only did it one time and now she's pregnant. Lane: "That's what you get, folks, for makin' whoopee!" She says that when the doctor told her, she just started throwing up, but not with morning sickness or anything: "This is the kind of throwing up that you do when you're going to have to do something you can't do." She says that maybe one day she'd be a good mom, but not now. She has this whole mental picture of pushing a pram in heels and a skirt with her hair in a bun. "Very Madonna in her Madge the British mommy phase," Rory jokes, but Lane ain't laughing. She says that when she's a mom she'll be calm and wise, and have her act together, which is the opposite of what she is like now. She's freaking out because she knows nothing that mother's are supposed to know, like how to change a diaper and use her wrist to check if the bottle is hot: "It's just one false move, one misstep, and I'll ruin it." Rory tries to reassure Lane with a modified "Gwyneth Paltrow is not perfect" argument: "So, who's perfect? Nobody. Not even...mothers." Dodging the Lorelai-shaped anvil, Lane is still skeptical: "I'm scared." Rory tells her again that she can do it: "You have nine long months to study about bottles and wrists," she says, adding that if Britney Spears and Courtney Love could have and raise children, surely Lane can do it. "Yeah," Lane says, "I bet I could be a better mother than Courtney Love." Rory says yes, of course, and that Lane already knows, unlike Michael Jackson, not to name a baby Blanket. "I do know that," Lane agrees, still nauseated. "Do not name your baby after an inanimate object." Um, okay...Lane. Rory cheers Lane up, talking about celebrity baby names, setting up potential play dates for Blanket Jackson and Pillow Cruise. "When it's nap time," Lane says, "they'd be totally set." Rory says that then they could invite Apple Martin over for a snack and listen while Banjo, Rachel Griffith's baby, played for them. "Then, they could all jump into Mia Farrow's Satchel," Rory answers, "and make fun of what's-his-face..." Laughing, Lane remembers: "Pilot Inspektor Lee!"
Back at Liz's, T.J., Luke, and Liz are all waiting for her tuna casserole to be ready while Liz lectures Luke about the inevitability of his breakup with Lorelai. "I love Lorelai," she says, "but the two of you were never in sync. For one thing, you never really moved in together." Luke says that was a logistical thing. "And then when you found out you had a daughter," Liz goes on, "you never told her. That's not normal, Luke! That's not how people in a healthy relationship act!" THANK YOU. It took LIZ to point this out? Two dozen episodes last season and we're waiting and waiting and we hear it from LIZ? Crazy. Liz and T.J. go on and on giving more and more examples of how Luke and Lorelai were never "on the same plane." Luke disagrees, and finds himself saying that he and Lorelai didn't break up because they were on different planes or because of the space/time continuum or any of that: "Lorelai and I just did not work out. We broke up because we weren't right for each other. It wasn't space, it wasn't time. It was us. We didn't belong together. We never really belonged together. We wanted to, but we didn't." Man, that is seriously depressing. You NEVER did? How many seasons has this damn show been on?! Also depressing: Liz's casserole is still stone-cold, since the oven doesn't work...