Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Meeeooow! (Fffft!)
By Couch Baron | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 07.13.1999
Hill says that love is the ultimate half-truth.
Visiting area. The extended family of a prisoner I've never seen before piles in to visit him. They talk about Em City and his mother not being there and the riot and WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY? Oh, wait, I have seen him -- he's the guy El Cid is sponsoring. He sits down with Guerra and El Cid, the latter of whom calls him "Carlos," and I'd point out that while the guy's clearly Hispanic, if Alvarez is "white," this guy's a freaking Albino. El Cid asks if he had a good day with his family, and upon hearing a positive response, says that he doesn't know what it's like to have family. Carlos asks if he thinks that a man doesn't need a family, and El Cid says that he's been in juvie and then prison since he was nine, and he was raised by the system and proud of it. If someone takes it upon himself to reunite El Cid with some long-lost relative, I will be sick. Someone might want to let Alvarez know.
In the mailroom, Hoyt opens a letter that causes him to smile big. He pockets it. Schillinger asks him what it is, and Hoyt's all, what letter? Schillinger quickly gets annoyed, and tells him that if he's running his own scam, he'll get him transferred out of the mailroom faster than he can spit. In response, Hoyt hocks a loogie on the floor. Lovely. Although I bet Claire would be turned on if she saw that.
Cyril has a nightmare about his rape. He wakes up yelling, "Ryan!" and a shirtless Ryan appears. Boy, I may have to try that. It probably won't work, but what's the downside? Ryan holds Cyril as he cries.
Cafeteria. Ryan's serving, and Schillinger's coming up in line. I lean back in my chair in anticipation, but nothing happens, and Ryan ends up impotently storming off. Especially depressing is that I never wanted to have to introduce the words "Ryan" and "impotently" to each other, although perhaps now that Claire's arrived, I should be more open-minded about the whole thing. Poet observes that Ryan's "hissyfit" must be about Schillinger, and suggests that he serve Schillinger ground glass like he did with Nino Schibetta. Ryan gives his usual line that Adebisi killed Nino, and complains that Schillinger's always got the bikers or Aryans around, so he can't get close to him. Poet's all, unless...and Ryan's like, exactly, and I'm like, the hell? I think, should I apply for any journalism jobs in the future, that I won't use that last sentence as a writing sample.
Ryan goes to see Hoyt, and requests an ask. Hoyt says he doesn't do them, so Ryan suggests a trade instead. "Tits for tat." Okay, that's pretty clever. No wonder Mickey came up with it. Ryan warns Hoyt that it could get him in deep shit with Schillinger, and Hoyt's like, fuck Schillinger, and I want to know what was in that letter or I will kick Contrivance's ass, because this sudden "fuck Schillinger" attitude of Hoyt's makes no sense. Oh, and they're having this conversation while Hoyt's tattooing another biker, like, I'm so sure that Ryan would discuss his plan in the presence of a witness before he even knows if Hoyt's amenable to it. Ryan says he's expecting a package on Thursday, and Hoyt has to get it through the X-ray machine without Schillinger seeing it. Hoyt agrees without asking what it is, and I'd think he'd want to know exactly how much trouble he could get in in advance, but since this entire plotline makes no sense already, nitpicking points like that is probably overkill.