Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Meeeooow! (Fffft!)
By Couch Baron | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 07.13.1999
Gloria tells Beecher that his bones have healed, although she wants him to wear a brace for a couple more days. She gives him a cane, and reminds him to cut his fingernails. Foreshadowing, today taking the form of a large parrot, squawks, "Cut your fingernails! Cut your fingernails! AWK! AWK!" McManus appears and tells Beecher and Busmalis that he wants them to testify against Metzger. Busmalis, with a tube down his throat, indicates his refusal with a hand gesture. Beecher claims he doesn't remember what happened as we flash back to Keller breaking his wrist. "The human mind has a wonderful ability to erase the unpleasant parts of life." If that were true, I don't know how anyone in Oz would remember anything at all. Except maybe Alvarez in the shower.
Beecher limps his way back into Em City. Metzger sees him. Beecher enters his pod to find Keller lying on the bottom bunk. Well, this is certainly an awkward situation, but the plus side is, they could probably get on Jerry Springer with no problem now. "My boyfriend turned me gay and conspired with my Aryan rapist to break my arms and legs!" I don't think even Jerry's done that one yet. Beecher hobbles up to the top bunk and starts filing his nails. Keller calls his name, and says that although Beecher has no reason to believe him, he's sorry. Beecher, as predicted, doesn't believe him. Keller earnestly says that he loves Beecher, and that he's been trying to think of a way to prove that he's sorry. Beecher: "How about I fuck you in the ass?" Well, Keller, you might want to buy a new pair of shoes, because you certainly stepped into that one. Keller offers for Beecher to break his arms and legs, and Chris, you may be a top, but I've got to think that what you're proposing is a tad more painful than taking one for the team. Beecher thinks that Keller would just snitch on him if he broke his legs. Keller's at a loss. Two words: Bend over. Oh, okay: Beecher says that there's one thing that will truly make him believe he's sorry. "Confess. Tell McManus that you and Vern and Metzger attacked me." Keller says Schillinger and Metzger will cut off his balls, which would certainly be a loss, and offers to confess without implicating them. That's not good enough for Beecher, so Keller frustratedly says he'll play it Beecher's way. He leaves.
Outside, Keller agitatedly tells Mineo to take him to McManus. Metzger observes this and cottons onto Keller's intentions. He goes to see Beecher and asks what's going on. At Beecher's smug "I dunno," Metzger grabs him and hauls him out of his cell. In a darkened hallway, Metzger asks again. He gets his answer in the form of Beecher slashing him with his fingernails several times, finally finishing with the throat, Drusilla-style. Blood pours from Metzger's neck as he tries to use his walkie-talkie, but he can't speak, and he falls, dead. Good, meet riddance.