Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Meeeooow! (Fffft!)
By Couch Baron | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 07.13.1999
Ryan walks through the gym with his arm around Cyril and loudly and obviously tells him about Hoyt and the package. An Aryan overhears him.
Mailroom. Hoyt sees a set of brass knuckles. He grabs the package and puts it aside, but Schillinger sets the hacks on him. Didn't Hoyt go to Harvard or something? How is he so dumb?
McManus's office. McManus asks about the brass knuckles, and Ryan says they're a present he didn't ask for from his aunt, who's a "nutjob." I'm guessing she's from his father's side. McManus then asks Hoyt why he didn't report the knuckles to the attending hack when he saw them on the screen, but Hoyt blusters that he didn't see him. McManus changes Hoyt's work assignment to the dress shop, and suggests that Ryan tell his aunt to send him socks. Ryan: "That's funny." And you're hot. McManus suspends their gym privileges for a week, and lets them go. On the stairs, Hoyt muses that they got off easy, and Ryan points out that it's no thanks to Schillinger. He says he'd like to teach him a lesson, and Hoyt looks thoughtful. Would anyone mind if I start singing a little Toni Basil?
Gym. Schillinger holds focus pads for the Aryan that squealed on Hoyt. Hoyt appears, though how he got in with his REVOKED GYM PRIVILEGES is beyond me, and pushes the squealer away and swings at Schillinger with the knife. Schillinger, using the pads, defends himself quite capably against Hoyt and a biker accomplice of his until the SORT team shows up. Schillinger looks a bit shaken at his brush with death.
Hoyt gets thrown in the Hole, naked. Unfortunately, it's shadowy, and you don't get a good like at Evan Seinfeld's, er, impressiveness. Yet.
TV area. Keller sits next to Ryan and breaks the news that Schillinger escaped without a scratch. Ryan freaks. So do I, as Miss Sally and those damn puppets are on again.
Death Row. Shirley introduces herself to Hanlon. Hey, Richie! He says he knows who she is, as she's the only woman on Death Row, and he notes that it looks like he's the only man. Shirley likens them to Adam and Eve, and all I can say is that I thought the Bible was scary enough before I got that image in my head. Shirley gets Hanlon's name, and asks whom he killed. He says no one, and she's like, me either. She tells him she lost control of her car and her daughter drowned, and I can see her keeping up this lie to authority figures, but I'm not sure why she has to tell that to everyone, as we know she's not actually trying to convince herself. They exposit that they're both appealing their guilty verdicts, and Shirley says hers is next week, and her lawyer's given her some hope. Then: "Show me your prick." Yeah, I'd like to say I haven't heard such non-sequiturish sexual transitions before. I'd like to. Hanlon is all, "Guh?" She repeats herself and offers to show him hers in return. He stammers that he's gay. Shirley: "Look, I don't care if you're Portuguese. I don't want to die with never having seen another prick again." Oh, just ask McManus to walk through Death Row. Thank you! Try the veal! She goes on that they're all they've got now, and begs him again. He takes it out, and although we don't see it, the way he's holding it makes me think that he wasn't exactly ashamed to walk into the communal shower, if you follow me. Shirley confirms my thoughts: "Well, well. You must have made some boy very, very happy." Well, she's certainly more tolerant about sexual practices than she is about skin color. Not that that's a surprise. Hanlon giggles all, "Yeah, it is sort of huge, isn't it?" I offer these immortal words: Show, don't tell.