Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Love Is All Around
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.14.2002
Cage, Fish and McBeal. Ray tells Ally none of his former colleagues will jump ship to this shithole. And that Todd guy? "Didn't work out," says Ally. Then, he's standing there, Matthew Perry, in all his armor. Can she have a moment? Sure. You have sixty seconds left. He begins: "My therapist says the inner me is...." Ally finishes his thought: "A dick?" Ooh, potty mouth! What is this, Sex & The City? God, I wish. He says that's the word. And Ally helps bring forth his "dickedness." He gives the word some real Chandler-esque English. You know, upward rising inflection, head tilt, invisible air quotes. Could he be another character beside Chandler? The answer is no. So, He's "dick-ed" because Ally is The Girl For Him. She pushes his buttons. She's feisty, crazy. Everything he digs. He's asking her out. And since she can't get past first base with the plumber guy, well, where's the harm in that? Ally is concerned with her daughter's well-being, and Ally isn't even a practical person! "Never has been, never will be," she adds. Ally rises and leaves her office. Matthew Perry yells after her, "Look at her go. Girl!" Hee, he said "go girl." Ally returns, and points her bony girl arm in the silent, universal gesture of "go." He says she's going to have to learn "to ignore what [he] says last." I can do that.
In the court of Judge Albert Hall, a stern woman is on the stand, testifyin' to the virtues of the Bully Broad classes. She says she was hated and had problems with her staff, until the class enlightened her to the fact that she was a "woman in a man's world, trying to act like a man." She could just act like a woman, see. No. No, I don't see. So after the class, she related better to her co-workers and productivity went up. And executives are sent to seminars all the time. This one took only a "puny" amount of time. Did someone say "puny"? Miss Bump wheels and stares at John. John chokes on his water, then yells at the quivering Miss Bump, like she's "Heidi" about to cry at Bambi. "Move to...oh, forget it." The witness says Miss Bump is fighting tears because lawyers are supposed to be tough and hide their feelings. But women can show their feelings. Let it out, honey. Miss Bump wails. Judge Hall asks for a ten-minute break.
Richard, Corretta, Dame Edna, and Jerome meet. It's tense. Dame Edna and Jerome squabble, and finally he says he'll "take [his] champagne and christen another yacht!" Oh, fucking hell. I wish he had said he'd give his string of pearls to another. That would have been even more gross. Dame Edna splits, and Richard enlightens Jerome to the fact that chicks don't like to be called "yachts." We prefer "chicks."