Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Love Is All Around
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.14.2002
Dame Edna is lecturing Ally, saying there's no rule that Ally and JBJ "have to have sex." No, but horny JBJ fans have been tuning in for weeks now. You really want to piss them off? Well, do ya? Ally tells Dame Edna that, the other day -- which didn't happen, people; they're just throwing footage at you to make it appear that something is developing between JBJ and Ally when it isn't -- they went out to a "nice restaurant," and JBJ wore a coat and tie (what is he, a little kid? She's marveling because an adult male wore a "coat and tie"?), and they were getting all ready to have their first kiss. Her heart was beating. Her lips were beating. And thanks to the oh-so-tired and overused technology that can make babies dance and dogs' lips move, her lips really do appear to beat. JBJ, feeling the jitters, gets lip-beats too. Dame Edna, as she listens, also beats her lips. Ew. Then, in walks Dame Edna's guy. Her sweet Jerome. He's very professorial, with a bow tie, wire-rimmed glasses, and tan corduroy jacket. They seem very happy, have been together three months, and for the millionth time in case you missed it, are getting married. Jerome casually asks, "How'd the sex with Victor go?" Um, it didn't. Yet. Jerome? Shut up. Oh, and isn't three months too early to get married? Ally? Shut up.
John "The Beescuit" Cage, sombrero still on his head, strokes his tiny elfin chin -- so cute, that chin, like a plate of menudo! -- and says he did go to Mexico. For a day. Then, he "got dysentery in Hour Twelve," and besides, there "was none of the simple sunlit charm, the sequins and mariachis, that [the restaurant] had." Richard starts to wrangle: they need him to face this Lolita. She's vicious. John says, "Nelle's vicious." Nelle smiles and thanks him. Poor Nelle. John says he has "heard tales of this Lolita." Richard says he saw fire in John's eye. Does this mean he's coming back? John removes his hat with as much gravity as that ridiculous act will allow -- and it bears repeating, Peter MacNicol is a great actor to do this piece of business without making a total ass of himself -- and says he'll do "eet." Bells chime. Fish says, "Gracias." The Beescuit? "De nada."
Ally is now tailing Dame Edna. She's getting married on Saturday? Isn't that kind of fast? Didn't you say that already? Richard walks up, and Ally asks him to draw up a pre-nup, stat, since Dame Edna "has money and Jerome doesn't." Ally is suspicious, and Richard is "the maid of honor." The elevator doors slide open, and off walks Christina Ricci, who looks positively elfin next to La Flockheart. All those rumors of her being a chubette? Poof, gone. She never was, and certainly is not now. She's a lovely, teeny-weeny itty-bitty cute l'il thing. Even in that icky pinstriped suit! Why, I just want to pick her up and go like this! A wubba-wubba-wubba-wubba-woo! A-wubba-woo! Then I will feed her many donuts, tie a ribbon around her neck, and lead her to my garden to have a tea party. Christina Ricci perkily asks the whereabouts of Nelle; Ally and Richard dazedly direct her; and she's off. Liza Bump, don't you know. Lo. Lee. Tah.