Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Seeing Green
By Gwen | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.07.1999
Again, Ally's telling Dr. Rose that she doesn't need Prozac because she's working through her issues...I don't care anymore, Ally! Shut up and get out of here! It is interesting to note, however, that in describing her latest hallucination, Ally says: "...then it switched over to all of my friends. Renee was singing, and Elaine, and John, and Richard, and Billy, and Gladys..." First of all, way to admit that you have no real friends outside of work and your apartment, Ally. Second, GLADYS KNIGHT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND! Third, neither is Richard, and neither is Billy -- not to mention Ling and Nelle. What the heck is your definition of "friend," woman? Someone who listens to your whining without beating you to death with a length of steel piping? Rose writes Ally a prescription and tells her that mental health will soon be hers and her friends won't recognize her and blah blah blah. I -- I'm just so sure! Gee, I wonder why Tracey Ullman isn't the therapist in this episode? Ally asks if taking the pills will make Al Green be gone. Rose lilts, "Forever!" Oh, who cares? Fade to commercial.
Nike wants me to believe that they'll think I'm beautiful if I incur a sports injury. If they don't love me the way I am, I'm not gonna buy their shoes. Oh, wait...I can't afford them, anyway.
Aretha Franklin needs money real bad. Maybe she can do a cameo on Ally McBeal this season!
Toyota wants me to associate the Celica with stale house music. At first I'd mistakenly typed "Honda" instead. That tells you how much I care.
Nelle is planning to meet with Kim and is wearing a nasty red and gray knit skirt-and-wrap-top set. Nelle tells John that she hopes to persuade Kim to have some compassion. John says, "Compassion. That would be something new," referring to her reaction to his whacking the hell out of her butt with a brush last week. They start to argumentatively rehash that and the monkey-with-cymbals toy on John's desk goes off several times in a cornucopia of comic relief. John removes its batteries. Nelle says blah blah blah and John makes the same point about her preaching compassion to Kim. Nelle gives him the "oh you are so annoying, why do I have sex with you?" laugh, and leaves the office.
One of the M-C Pigs is blathering about reducing women as human beings and then we see Richard being all disrespectful, sitting in the back of the room with Loser -- I mean, Billy. ["You were right the first time." -- Wing Chun] The guys shh him. The guy in the front of the room says "...I need her to be lesser than" and then he mumbles something that sounds like, "Half a bitch she made more money than me." This is what I get for putting off reading the info that Cate sent me on closed-captioning. The meeting coordinator blabs about men being raised to be providers. Richard won't quit wiseacre-ing to Billy, so the guy asks him to address the group. Richard is more than happy to do so. "What is wrong with you people?" he asks. He suggests that they'd object to the name Richard because the nickname for it is Dick. He asks if any of them remember that word. He says that women make themselves into sexual objects with all their cosmetic surgery. He says that men are providers, women are supposed to get pregnant, women take care of babies, men bring home money, it's not just God's way (huh?), it's the way women want it. Shut your cakehole, Richard. (Greg Germann, if you're reading this -- email me!) He says that people are ruled by their wants and that what men want is sex and that what women want is money. Blah blah, he tells the losers to go home and say, "Honey, give me back my penis." Then, in an annoyingly flippant response to Pamie's complaint about last week's episode, David E. Kelley has Richard and the cult of losers yell the word "penis" way, way more often than would be necessary in any event. Billy's the only one who doesn't yell along. ["It just made me think that what these guys secretly wanted more than their women giving up control over their own lives was...well, you know -- penis. They sure were saying it often enough. Maybe they were all secretly going to these meetings in the hopes of hooking up. -- Wing Chun]