Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Seeing Green
By Gwen | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.07.1999
Meanwhile, down at the high school, Principal Whoever is yakking to Nelle and John about his liability issues regarding scholastic sexual assault. All the while, a gaggle of teen girls is scoping out the scene and making John uncomfortable. The principal says that if the lawyers can get the girl and her parents to withdraw the complaint, blah blah. He takes off and the flock of chicks approaches. The lead one says, "Excuse me...You are so cool!" John is all modest, saying thanks. The girls giggle and then the one who speaks for the pack asks, "Where do you get those amazing clothes?" John's modest again, Nelle smiles and says that her friend designs them. D'oh! They were talking to Nelle, not John! The only girl who was in the budget for a speaking part continues with, "They are so incredible," as if Nelle is wearing something more exciting than a black and white optic dot thingy with a black faux-fur coat. Then the girl with the teen spirit informs John that his pant hem is caught in his sock, and all her buddies giggle. Now THIS is more like the fashion-critiquing action I got as a substitute teacher. John plays off his embarrassment while the comically melancholy oboe plays on.
In the Unisex, Ally glares at herself in the mirror. Georgia walks in and asks if she's "trying to decide whether Retin-A really works." Damn, Georgia, you're so funny! And David E. Kelley, what a clever additional often-prescribed-drug reference! Personally, I thought Ally was trying to remember if it was her week to hose down her hair. But no, she's thinking about the Prozac again. She says it just seems wrong. Georgia starts trying to tell her that the stigma is gone, and Ally rudely interrupts and yells, "Yes, I know, people SPRINKLE IT ON THEIR JELL-O..." and I say, "Oh, shut up, Ally McDumbAss." Yeah, people sprinkle it on their Jell-O. Mm hmm. Everybody's doing it. Gee, I sure am glad David E. Kelley has the guts to address this issue. Now maybe all these Prozac zombies can kick the habit and quell their depression by describing it to their co-workers in agonizing detail every weekday of their lives. But you depressed people, make sure you develop some quirks and learn some Motown songs! Otherwise no one will care. Oh, and make sure you're not fat. If you're depressed and fat, or poor, or non-Caucasian, go ahead and kill yourself, because no one's ever gonna think YOUR problems are cute. Only losers do Prozac! Real depressed people meditate on public sidewalks and manage to make good money while they're looking for a lover to fulfill their lives! Viewers, take heed! Now go forth and spread the Gospel of Kelley! Anyway, Ally does a few seconds of her Freudian-slipping and vicious-passive-aggressive-yelling shtick, and then Georgia, instead of saying, "Tell it to someone who cares, you self-centered, husband-coveting freak," just says "okay," and walks away. Ally sees Al Green in the mirror. She runs out into the office and Al's a singing maintenance worker. Then we see Renee and then Elaine in ice-blue sequins, feathers, and satin gloves. They each sing a line of "Let's Stay Together" and sound pretty good doing it, I must say. Y'all work it, girls! Then Billy, Richard, and John come out of the elevator singing the chorus in white coats and tails. Then three unknown chicks come out singing behind them. Then Ling, Georgia, and Nelle come out and sing in chorus. Then we see Gladys Knight (Et tu, Gladys? ET TU?) and a bunch of people in choir robes join in. Then Ally gets in the spirit and shows us her sinewy armpits while she dances and caterwauls along. Then...