Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Seeing Green
By Gwen | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.07.1999
D'OH! Ally's standing there in the law office, jamming out in her coral sleeveless top and trying to belt out ad libs, making a complete spectacle of herself to the mild surprise and amusement of all the female employees. And Renee's there, too, for some reason. I didn't realize her office was inside Fish-Cage. Ally does her cute stammer-and-face-touch routine. But, just like me, no one there seems to care. Just like me...they want to be...far from Ally! Ahhh, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh...far from Ally! Why don't they ever do the Carpenters on this show, huh?
Here's another meeting with Kirby, this time including the chick he kissed. The chick says, "I didn't send him a look! I -- I'm just so sure!" all harshly in her super-fuzzy brownish sweater. Nelle says that what they have here is a misunderstanding (a.k.a. "a failure to communicate." I know that's what she wanted to say.) Popular Chick's dad says, "It's more than that when a physical attack is involved," all pissed-off-sounding. You go, dad! I mean, I do feel sorry for Kirby and all, but I don't appreciate sub-plots like this and various news articles about overzealous school officials glossing over the fact that girls are sexually harassed and assaulted at school EVERY FREAKING DAY. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar who wants to remain sheltered. It doesn't just happen to girls, either. Parents, after you've finished enjoying this summary and other fine summaries on our site, please have a talk with your children about KEEPING THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES. And talk to them about unrealistic expectations for wives, too. If you've already talked to your kids about these things, then I salute you. Rock on, you hope for future generations, you!
The parents of Kirby and Popular Girl argue for a while, and then Popular Girl says that it was more like a bite than a kiss. Kirby denies this. Popular Girl -- oh, her name is Kim -- retorts, "Well, you were chewing and sucking!" Thanks for the visual, there, Kim. John wants to know what is served by making such an issue of the kiss. Kim says that Kirby did it in front of everybody. In the cafeteria! People thought that she liked him or something! Or that they were going out! She was a laughingstock! You know how hard it is to be popular in school! Okay, so it's ascertained by Nelle that Kim is getting revenge and telling the whole school that the kiss was unwanted, and that's why she wants to get Kirby suspended. Huh? Suspended? I thought we were talking about expulsion and a lawsuit. If this is only about suspension, why are there lawyers involved? Oh, those wacky rich people! I'll never understand them! Kirby runs out of the room. Poor, sad oboe. Er -- Kirby, that is.