Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Seeing Green
By Gwen | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.07.1999
While nibbling on a handful of birdseed or something, Ally looks to Renee for sympathy. Renee instead points out all her recent erratic behavior and hallucinations. Ally tries to rationalize and then hallucinates poor Mr. Green in a gold shantung suit. Ally tells Renee that she likes the magical hallucinations because they nourish her spiritually and emotionally. I guess they also give her an excuse for the involuntary gasping and facial spasming she's always doing, too. Renee says that she isn't "a fan of treating the brain with chemicals," but that Ally needs to "address" it because hallucinating at home and work could "bring it dowwwnnn." Okay, Renee, thanks for the advice. She should have just said, "I wouldn't take the drugs, myself, but I wish you would because you're starting to get on my nerves big-time." Ally asserts that she likes being deluded. Instead of "Oh, shut up," Renee says blah, blah, blah. Time for a commercial, finally.
One-A-Day wants me to take their asthma medication so I can ride roller coasters. You see? You see what I'm talking about?!? These damned drug companies are trying to take over the world! Forget this crap. I'm gonna treat my toenail fungus with heliotrope extract and prickly-pear tea. Take that, you conniving bastards! You can't make me live in your Prozac Nation!
Oh, look...Bounce fabric softening sheets can now be used in place of potpourri or regular housecleaning. Cool.
Billy is standing in front of the other pigs, babbling about Janet Reno and woman presidents. The guy leading the meeting interrupts with, "You're not here because you respect women, Billy. You're here because you don't." Ooh. Words of a venerable sage. Billy cops attitude and says that as much as he's for women's rights, he doesn't want his own wife dressing in sexy clothes. Oh, shut up, Billy. He doesn't want her to become a partner at work. He really doesn't want her to work at all. Billy, shut your face and the face of the horse you rode in on. Other guys at the meeting, shut up and go fix me turkey pot pie. Is this supposed to be a week after the first meeting? Why is everyone wearing the same clothes? Oh, wait, Billy has the same tie and suit, but he did change his shirt. That's okay, then. He stands there sharing his wet dream about Georgia staying home to cook his dinner. The other losers murmur appreciatively. Billy lacks the shame that would keep any normal human being from admitting that he wants his spouse's day to begin "for real" because he, himself, is home. Whatever. First of all, I wonder why I can't get paid to write a TV show about the way I wish men would give up their lives for me. Second, why do male-chauvinist pigs think that any woman in the modern world would want to spend her days waiting for the moment she could start being her husband's maid and prostitute? What's in it for her? Money? Hello! Women can make their own money. And even if they wanted to do so by serving men, they could probably rake in tons more being ACTUAL MAIDS OR PROSTITUTES. Plus, they'd have an interesting variety of clients who wouldn't fart in their presence. I just don't understand why any man would even imagine that a woman would devote her life to pouring drinks and fetching slippers for an ungrateful jerk. Especially one as jerky as Billy. But whatever. I also don't understand why David E.K. put this dreck into this episode. Was it to give shout-outs to fellow sexist jerks, or was it in hopes that the female viewers would cheer extra loudly at the extremely pitiful set-down Georgia will eventually give to Billy? ["Or was it because he's sick of his own wife Michelle Pfeiffer working outside the home making movies or some such, and that's why she's recently announced that she's retiring from acting?" -- Wing Chun] Either way: whatever. Okay, so then Billy says he wants to be worshipped. Quit jerking off in my television screen, Dog Boy.