Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Killing Kimmie Kegan
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.30.2008
"Betty," Wili says, "Do something." That's nice. I wish she deserved that kind of trust this week. Betty hems and haws and whatever, has no good ideas, and Wili's like, "She's not like most supermodels, she is going to notice we're stalling," and over there Adriana Lima finishes off a Rubik's Cube and starts on the NYT Sunday crossword and whatever is lame, and then Betty runs over to ask if she ate all the tico berries in her sizzling hot fruit basket, and they some interminable conversation that I don't understand became frankly Adriana Lima talks like her head has been run over by a Volvo, but whatever, Betty was the one that did the research and yes she has tico berries, and then they do the photo shoot. And yes, she's pretty. We get it. That's implied by "supermodel." Who the eff do you think is watching this show?
Daniel and Betty celebrate over the proofs from the shoot and he apologizes for not seeing what a bad seed Kimmie was, but in the end Betty realized that doing her usual subpar job is just as good as actually competing to succeed, plus easier, so it worked out. He gives her business cards, okay, because that's how low her expectations are now, and then Connor arrives, and... Man, I've never seen Betty like... Her whole posture and everything changes, it's like she's going into heat. She goes kind of Amanda on him, all, "Hiiii, my name is Betty Suarez, and I'm about to make your dreams come true, starting with ... ooh, your hands are so big and strong, your grip is sooo firm... you are like two tennis rackets ... with fingers ... firm-gripping tennis rackets ... that I want to fuck."
Dan snaps Betty out of it -- although again, can't blame her -- and takes off with him all tense and scary to have a "meeting" about the "job offer" and the second they're alone they totally bro out and dap because it was all a lie the whole time! THAT IS AWESOME. So now Daniel has a secret alliance with the CFO, whom both Betty and Wili find totally irresistible, and Wili thinks she's the one with the upper hand, so now everybody's just as crazy and scrabbly as always, but they all think they have the in, when really Connor Owen has the in, which makes him the best thing to happen to this show since Claire busted out the joint.
Betty comes home all excited about her ... business cards ... and Jesse claps her on the shoulder for going for her dream and she ducks her stupid-ass head all, "I only did it because you told me to" and he tells her she's cool, whatever. And as much as I would like for her to have an actual friend besides Daniel, I think you're leaving out the downtown hipster NYC thing, which is that all Jesses are dating Betties, it's the natural choice! Plastic-frame cat glasses, stupid effing hair, low self-esteem, spazzy rainbow socks, no social skills, no life goals, saying the weirdest fucking thing when you're merely trying to have a conversation with them, leg warmers and tights-as-pants, coming off like a virgin no matter how secretly dirty they are, daddy issues, always "in fashion" in some undefined way, and looking like they got dressed in an insane asylum by the people that live in the insane asylum using their own clothes and art projects. Face it, Jesse is the most realistic love interest she's ever had.