Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Killing Kimmie Kegan
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.30.2008
To the assembled sizzling hot editors, Wili and Daniel give a polished presentation of accolades for their pitches on the "Sizzling Hot" issue (Wili: "I only went blind with rage twice!") and they congratulate all the people and give specially sizzling props to Kimmie, who dazzles and sparkles, and meanwhile over in the corner Betty goes to her dark place and starts hearing that awful song Jesse the Neighbor made up only instead of believing in your dreams it starts being about asking for shit she has not earned. She follows Daniel down on the street and they literally have this exchange: "How come everybody has a spot in the 'Hot' issue?" Because they submitted ideas. "Why didn't I?" Um ... ?
Daniel laughs and wonders how he could possibly know that, and she says she didn't know -- despite the last three years of storylines involving her pitching ideas to everybody in the building including janitors and Claire's white-hot sizzling Hot Flash -- that she could pitch. He tells her to, and she crumbles, natch, and then points randomly at a fruit cart and starts babbling about sizzling hot fruit and how there's always a hot new food that increases brain power and reduces stress that you can just keep on your desk and pop in your mouth to keep your edge in this hypercompetitive world. The only fruit I can think of that fits that description is Marc St. James. She's finally reduced to just standing on the corner of the biggest city of the world screeching SIZZLING HOT FRUIT like a lunatic, but it's kind of amazing.
Ignacio, determined to be annoying at all costs until he finally fucking dies, runs around the house yakking about how he's voting for the first time, not counting Dancing With The Stars which he only did because he wants to get his nasty old-man mascara-wearing self all over Kristy Yamaguchi, which is horrendous. Hilda goes off about how excited she is about the election too, but not because of anything normal or awesome, just because the local polls are around the corner and she wants to market her beauty shop using flyers and the humiliation of her child. She says it'll be a really good day for Hildabeautility or whatever it's called, and Ignacio's like, "Also democracy!" And yes, my friend, they are going there.
The thing is that Hilda is probably the hardest character to write, because she's really intense and layered and exactly what life made her, which is strong as steel, more than a little crazy, and more than willing to administrate the lives of everyone around her because A) she can't handle her own life and B) she was the mother figure to an entire family for her whole life. And if you shade too far one way or the other, you end up with this shrieking bitchy cartoon harridan with occasionally tender moments, which is fine for the weirdos at Mode because they are white, but just comes off as racist posturing when it's Hilda. I mean, the reason Marc and Amanda are always awesome is that it's way easier to write for them, because they're easier characters. Just do the shit they always do, write fifty jokes and skim the best ten off, and salt and pepper with occasional soul. And the hateful way she's portrayed in this episode causes some fucking scary thoughts to occur, mostly having to do with how maybe the only reason this episode respects Wilhelmina -- the other hard bitch of the show -- enough to portray her as wonderfully layered and strong and vulnerable as she is in this episode is secretly because, even though we don't know it, she's getting it up the ass the entire time.