Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Killing Kimmie Kegan
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.30.2008
Kimmie throws albacore at an assistant and sends her back to Nobu for real tuna, and Betty is all perky and twitchy and trying to help, but Kimmie's doing fine, so then Betty impressively maneuvers Kimmie by talking about how nervous she is about Wili's impending arrival, because she's not strong like Kimmie and can't stand up for herself, which sucks because what Wilhelmina Slater likes is people with strong opinions that don't back down. Kimmie blows her off, but Betty says she means it, that Wili only respects people that say no. "She's going to want to change ten things, but really she wants you to say no." Betty wishes aloud that she wasn't so weak, and... Did this episode just become awesome?
Totally weird music video jump-cutting brings Wili and Daniel to the shoot, where Betty is watching Kimmie work and wondering if her moral superiority -- her most irritating superpower! -- is worth destroying Kimmie. I would have said no, but you upped the ante when she dicked with Cliff, and I have lost my moral compass. Daniel's all, "I'm so proud of you, buddy! This business makes one wonder what kind of person you are, and what you will do to get ahead!" Because that's so like him. Betty runs off to barf and/or totally fuck up the entire plan.
Kimmie tells the diffident Betty to take a leap, but leap she will not. She follows Kimmie all around until finally Amanda freaks: "We must distract her! Does anyone have a six-foot hoagie?" Betty tells her a billion times that it was a setup, and Kimmie's like, "So I should be weak, is your advice? Fuck you, I'm going places." Betty begs her all over the place to fucking chill, but each protest just drives it higher. Right before Wili walks up, she goes, "Look, Betty. I know how to judge character, and right now you're oozing petty bitter jealous ooze. It's all over you!" And I mean, the girl's not wrong. There's just no ooze at this exact second that she's saying it. I kind of weep for Kimmie Kegan. There is no normal in her dojo.
Wili stomps up and goes, "Where's the fucking necklace." Kimmie tells her that the necklace is hideous and not going in the shoot, and then she goes, "Don't worry, babe: sit back, relax... Have a donut." Amanda and Marc scream! This is amazing? Wilhelmina pulls out her gun and she's all, "Butch, you got a death wish?" and Lindsay says her only wish is that Wili scooty-scoot-scoot and find someplace shady. Wili, unused to this behavior from mortals, is like, "Whoa, what if I actually do have to kill her? In front of everyone? Awkward..." So instead she just ignores that any of this is happening and tells her to get the motherfucking necklace and put it in the motherfucking pictures, and Betty appears out of nowhere with it, and Kimmie fully goes, "That's my decision, and that's final." "Well, you're fired," Wili says, obviously, and Kimmie fully goes, "Uh, no I'm not fired." I mean! And I mean, I know I bitch about things being unrealistic within the world of the show sometimes, but if Lindsay Lohan had actually vanished in a puff of smoke and a blast of light, you would not hear me complaining. That's how amazing.