Episode Report Card Erin: A | 2 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Ice 5 Man Cometh
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.18.2005
Apple Store. Vaughn enters from the secret passageway, looking, well, like shit, actually. Syd enters from a different secret passageway (how many are there?) and catches up with him, basically telling him he looks like, well, like shit. Vaughn's all, uh, thanks! Good morning to you too! Also, shut up! Syd expresses concern and asks him if he's okay. And can I just say that Jennifer Garner rocks a pair of glasses like nobody's business? The girl has Geek Glam down pat. Seriously. Vaughn just says he's fine and blames his downtrodden look on the Mucksicle episode.
Sloane's Laidback Office of West Elm Products. Sloane's telling the Gang, um, well, basically he's not telling them anything. He's telling us, the audience, why the Gang was in Algeria in the first place. Apparently, Muck was an expatriate who'd stolen a biological weapon called "Ice 5" from a Montenegrin arms dealer. He offered to sell it to the CIA for $10,000. That's kind of a small price for something that can shatter people from the inside out, I think. That's more of a million-dollar bargaining chip, I'd say. But whatever, Muck ignored protocol and was killed, as Jack kindly explains to those people who were out getting more margaritas and salsa and missed the first five minutes of the damn show.
Weiss quips that the guy wasn't just killed, he exploded like a frozen piñata. Sloane states that it's believed that Muck was killed by the Ice 5 he was transporting. No, really? Ya think? Maybe he was just really, really cold! Maybe he drank a Slushee too fast and he had a brain freeze that carried through the rest of his body! Like, DUH. "You're saying this stuff turned [Muck] into a human popsicle," says Syd, for those of us in the CHEAP SEATS who aren't, you know, WATCHING THE SHOW. Seriously. Did we need all of this explanation? We get it. It froze him. We're not blind, deaf and dumb, here. But, you know, if we were, we'd sure play a mean pinball.
Marshall gets up and geeks something about how the Ice 5 was contained in some metal container that was found amidst the Muckchunks. Marshall concludes that the container wasn't meant to be swallowed and probably started leaking as soon as it hit Muck's stomach. When he was tackled, there was a complete rupture and Muck was freeze-dried in seconds. Vaughn concludes that the mission was a complete bust. "So to speak," snarks Weiss. Heh. He's obviously enjoying his new role at the Apple Store as Wryly Funny Commentary Guy. Jack's not, though, because every time Weiss cracks a joke, Jack gets this pained expression on his face and probably wonders if he can kill a guy for badly-timed, ill-received humor.