Episode Report Card Potes: B- | 8 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT A Cramp in the Dick
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 06.30.2013
Anyhoo. As Milania and Gabriela go through some soccer drills with their coach, Teresa tells Juicy all about her encounter with Joe at the gym. She says he was a jerk, which he really was. Juicy tries to say that Joe has a Napoleon complex, which Teresa takes to mean that he is bipolar. Eh, if the shoe fits. Juicy tries to explain to Teresa who Napoleon was. I'm sure in Singapore they will use this clip to illustrate the notable struggles of the American education system. Teresa starts complaining about how much control Melissa has over Joe, and Juicy busts out a lovely bon mot about how Melissa straps one on and sticks it in Joe's ass. Perhaps not the most appropriately bleacher conversation at little league soccer practice, but most likely accurate. Teresa tells us that Joe has been brainwashed by Melissa, but I am doubtful since that would require him to have a brain. And then we get footage of Milania being a nut on the soccer field, which is the best and subtly shoving us in the direction of Team Teresa.
Jacqueline, Caroline, Kathy and Teresa then head to some sort of spa or salon opening and Jacqueline gets her eyebrows threaded. Fascinating times! Teresa calls Caroline to tell her how she saw Joe at the gym and he treated her very aggressively, which is odd given Caroline's message that he wanted them to make up. Caroline gently suggests that maybe they need professional help. They of course already tried couples therapy, which didn't go so well, and Teresa suggests that maybe they need to do some sort of holistic healing. How about if someone just hits both of them on the head with a hammer and sees what happens? Seems holistic enough to me. Caroline thinks they should go for it, but says that she's taking this as her cue to butt out. Finally!
Oh wait, but not quite yet. First Caroline has to report to the other ladies that Teresa just called her. Jacqueline yells that Caroline has killed her boner. Can't anyone on this show just remain silent one time? As someone who is used to boner-killing, Caroline is unfazed. She goes on to tell the ladies about how Joe was reportedly very aggressive to Teresa at the gym. Rosie looks puzzled as to why extreme aggression is considered problematic. She does, however, note that she grew up with Teresa and cares about her, so this family feud bullshit has to stop. For her part, Jacqueline would rather have someone remove each of her eyebrow hairs with a blowtorch than hear any more about the Gorgas and their issues.