Episode Report Card Potes: B- | 8 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT A Cramp in the Dick
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 06.30.2013
And then it's time for Rosie and Teresa to meet up at the Dick Cramp Café. Teresa wants wine, but Rosie gets her some sort of fruity concoction instead. That's some sort of psych-out power play, right? Rosie then wastes no time in saying that every time Teresa's name comes up in conversation, she gets very fucking angry. Why do these people work so hard to make me feel bad for Teresa? It's not a position that comes naturally to me, or that I like to be in. Thankfully, it doesn't last too long. Rosie's real problem is the problem that Teresa has with Kathy, and apparently their feud is at least part of the reason why their parents have such cramps in their dicks and are no longer speaking. Teresa blames Kathy for where they are now. She claims that she's over it, but her dad can't let it go. Rosie wonders, with burgeoning rage, what her mother has to do with any of it, since she didn't say a word about Teresa's dad. Teresa says that her dad needs time and Rosie points out that one of them is basically going to drop dead any minute. That person is going to be Teresa, since she puts the blame on Kathy one too many times and Rosie gets VERY upset. She starts pounding on the table, and everyone else at the bar is like, "...Uhhhhhhh." But this is just the beginning! Soon Teresa squawks something about Kathy and her dad, and then Rosie starts screaming, and then they try to determine who will really be the guilty party when one or all of their parents drop dead or a chronic dick cramp. I will tell you one thing: when I drop dead from recapping this show, they will ALL be to blame.
After a commercial break, Rosie is still yelling. But she's yelling out of love now, saying she can't understand why they can't just be a family and lift each other up instead of bringing one another down. Then she knocks a drink on her phone, which calms things down a bit. Talk turns to Joe, and Teresa mentions the gym incident and how Joe brought up Juicy calling her a see-you-next-Tuesday. She points out that she can't say a word about Melissa, but everyone talks major shit about Juicy right to her face. Well, he IS a total miscreant. Teresa brings up the idea of the holistic healing weekend, and Rosie's eyes get really wide. She thinks they should turn it into a family vacation, including the Manzos and Lauritas. Oh man, the holistic healing people don't even know what's coming. And then they laugh about how Rosie's hands are all busted up from pounding the table. They hug before leaving, and Teresa wonders why everyone can't have such productive explosions of rage.