Episode Report Card Potes: B- | 8 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT A Cramp in the Dick
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 06.30.2013
We then join Rosie and Joe, having a drink at a local watering hole. Rosie wants to talk about pussy, specifically, the lack of a second one in her life. She drops the fact that she hasn't had sex in six years, and attributes her fits of rage to her accidental celibacy. The cousins bond as hotheads who can't help themselves, but also feel bad about it. Rosie, who I think is actually the best interview on the show, tells us that she and Joe are both soft in their hearts but have bad tempers. The moral of the story is, don't fuck with them. Talk turns, as it always does, to Teresa. Rosie argues that if Joe really wants to reconcile with her, he needs to take a softer approach and perhaps even say something positive. He's not feeling it, and Rosie tells us that though she's protective of him, Joe has a stubbornness that needs to be shut down. She says to Joe, as everyone has, that he's got to make a real go at a reconciliation before his parents die, and even offers to call Teresa on his behalf. I guess the season won't be over until every member of the cast tries to reunite these assholes. Joe agrees to give it one more shot, but tells us that before any progress can be made he needs Teresa to admit what she has done wrong. I'm not sure exactly what that is, other than being a scourge on humanity like everyone else on this show. He seems to think that ultimately it's hopeless. If I had half a shit left to give, I might have an opinion on this matter.
And then we are treated to sad times hour with Jacqueline and Nick. Jacqueline is trying to work with Nick like the therapist told her to do, and get him to say when he wants something (namely his first love, the iPad). He gets frustrated and starts hitting himself in the head, and then Jacqueline gives him the iPad and cries. She explains to us that there has been a lot of progress, but the setbacks are always frustrating. Chris tells her to stay strong for Nicholas's sake, but she's feeling extra pressure since she's made all this so public. Both Chris and Jacqueline feel lost at times, and it's frustrating because they think they should know how to help Nick. In the end, Nick gives both of them kisses, and then probably calls the iPad "mama."
Back at the Hoboken apartment, Al turns on a burner on the stove and complains about the small flame. He actually calls it "a cramp in the dick," which I am now going to say incessantly. Thank you, Al Manzo! We all know how much Caroline loves the Hoboken apartment, but Al isn't so sure about it. Apparently Al would really like to be in Manhattan, but Caroline says Hoboken is "easier." Unless you want to actually cook something, apparently. They talk about how great their kids are, and then we transition to Lauren "working" at Cafface. I don't think I have to tell you that there are no clients there. Christopher and Albie come in looking for some hair gel. Lauren doesn't want to make any recommendations since they'll just take the product without paying, which is a real cramp in the dick. They talk about whether Lauren is going to marry Vito, and she tells us that while her life revolved around him a year ago, now she's focused on her "career." She's not ready for marriage, or to soil her wild oats. Yes, I did mean to say "soil." Back in Hoboken, Caroline is concerned that her kids are all putting work as their first priority. She notes that Al did that, and missed out on a lot of life. In fact, he's still missing out on a lot of life. Al does not agree that living to work is problematic, and then a fire alarm goes off before Caroline can ask for a divorce.