Episode Report Card Maggie: B- | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT The Trouble With Normal Is It Always Gets Worse
By Maggie | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 05.15.2001
Ben is working behind the counter at Dean & Deluca. Felicity, who isn't working, walks up to the counter and asks to talk to him. They move away to the end of the counter and, conveniently, some other D&D worker bees pick up the slack. Felicity tells him that she "hates" the fight they had. Ben concurs, and they agree to forget all about it and move on. As they're hugging, Javier walks through the door to the storeroom and says, "Okay, what does it feel like when I'm having a heart attack?" Felicity notes that he looks pale, and he says that it feels like an elephant is sitting on his chest, which is making it difficult for him to breathe. She instructs Ben to call a cab. I don't get it. I'm not a New Yorker so I don't know which is likely to get there faster -- a cab or an ambulance. Personally, I would have called an ambulance. Javier clutches his chest and moans, "Oh, it's happening again," as Felicity leads him away. Javier better not be in any grave danger just when he finally makes a long overdue reappearance.
Cut to a shot of a heart monitor, tracking every beat of Javier's heart. He's laid up in a bed, with various drips and tubes attached to him. There certainly is a lot of medical drama on this show. I guess the producers are trying to get as much mileage as possible out of the hospital sets they had to build. That's why I don't get why Knoll didn't jump off the roof in the last episode. He could have been the one in the ER. So, in a direct shout-out to me, Javier prays, "Are you there, God? It's me, Javier." I thought people had stopped quoting Judy Blume's book title to me (since my given name is Margaret) about twenty years ago. However, just this past winter, a waitress asked me if I had ever read Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret after seeing my name on my credit card. The hell? Anyway, Javier promises God that if he survives he'll "work out every day, weights and cardio, [he'll] stop badmouthing Consuela, and [he'll] tell Samuel about those Milky Ways [he has] hidden in the linen closet, and [he'll] go to confession more, even though Father John's got that B.O." Felicity pulls back the curtain around his bed, interrupting his prayer, to tell him that she's contacted Samuel, who is flying back right away. Javier comments that he hopes Samuel will be back in time to say "adios." Then he bequeaths his collection of cashmere sweaters to Felicity. She encourages him to wait for the test results "before writing up a will." A doctor, who sounds just like the definitely not scary and definitely not intimidating woman on The Weakest Link, calls him "Mr. Quintata" and informs him that he did not have a heart attack. Obviously, he's in too much of a state to correct her pronunciation. She goes on to say that his "EKG does show the possibility of an arrhythmia." Javier, with a sharp intake of breath, gasps, "A-hee!" He pauses, looks at Felicity, and then asks, "What does that mean?" The doctor, who's working a Bride of Frankenstein look with her hair, explains that it means his heart is beating irregularly, and that even though it could be nothing, she's going to admit him for observation. When the doctor has gone, Javier says, "Okay, that's it, I'm dead." Felicity tries to calm him. He gives her his house key so that she can fetch his lilac nightgown, because the hospital gown makes him look "as big as a house." He declares, "If I'm going to be observed, I want to be observed looking theen." Felicity smiles and nods. Then he gives her the manager's key for Dean & Deluca and says, "You're the boss now." She whines that her "personal life is a mess," but he insists that she's the only person he trusts. She reluctantly agrees to do it.