Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cry, Wolf
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.22.2006
11:28:32. Yellow Tie rides shotgun in the semi, Logan tries to find the nerve gas using astral projection, and Chloe glowers at her computer monitor as though she hates it as much as she hates humans. Kiefer and his agent escort are finally arriving at CTU, and the worker drones all look up as he walks by on the other side of the glass wall. "A lot of people here thought you were dead until today," Chick Agent obviouses. Well, that was the plan, after all. Kiefer excuses himself to go straight over to the one person there who didn't think he was dead. "We wouldn't have made it out of that airport without your help," he tells Chloe warmly. "Thank you." Actually, it's just Derek who wouldn't have made it out, but why split hairs? Chloe actually manages a little smile as she says he's welcome. From a distance, Spencer observes this exchange with the certain knowledge that if Kiefer wanted a piece of Chloe action, then Spencer would be out in the cold. And just a note to the writers: that cheering sound you heard last season when Chloe got her hands on that assault rifle? Please don't try to reproduce that by putting her hands on Kiefer. McGill interrupts their little moment by appearing at Kiefer's elbow, introducing himself, and dismissing the agents who escorted Kiefer into the building. McGill informs Kiefer that he's no longer a suspect in Palmer's murder. "But while you're here, you will need this." And he hands Kiefer a visitor pass that gives him Level Two clearance. Wow, what a hard-ass McGill turned out to be, huh?
As they walk to the Situation Room, he brings Kiefer (and the viewers who were waiting until the end of Two and a Half Men before clicking over) up to speed on the latest, which, as you know, is that Curtis has discovered that Yellow Tie apparently stole some military-grade nerve gas. McGill says they're running the search operation from CTU, and looks uncomfortable when Kiefer sneers that they aren't going to find the nerve gas in time that way. What does Kiefer suggest, following the trail of dead rats? He insists, "The only way you're gonna get that nerve gas in time is if you find out who ordered the hit on David Palmer." First of all, I don't see how Kiefer can be so sure of how much time they have, since they have no idea what the bad guys plan to do with the gas in the first place, let alone when. Maybe they're just moving it to a different airport, for example. McGill appears to take a deep breath and steel himself to disagree with Kiefer. And then he firmly says, "I agree." He adds that he thinks Kiefer can help them intercept the stolen nerve gas by helping CTU figure out who framed him. And furthermore, he would like to give Kiefer a pony and a blowjob. I know I've complained as much as anybody about all the petty CTU infighting that's gone on in past seasons, but come on. We need a little conflict, or the terror plot's going to go too fast and we'll be all out of moles by Episode 6.
Buchanan arrives to join the little group, and he and Kiefer greet each other a little awkwardly. Buchanan tells McGill that the President wants the nerve gas story kept under wraps for now, and McGill scurries off to tell Division. Once Kiefer and his former boss are alone at 11:30:15, they shake hands and say it's good to see each other. Kiefer says he's sorry about Michelle, and that he never meant to endanger her. "Of course you didn't," Buchanan says, shocked that Kiefer thinks it even crossed his mind. Kiefer asks how Tony is, and Buchanan says that although Tony's still unconscious, he should pull through. Buchanan awkwardly broaches a new subject: "Audrey's been working for us." I knew Kiefer wouldn't hear about Audrey's presence until he showed up at CTU. Stupid Audrey. Kiefer is of course surprised to hear that Audrey's in the building. "She's debriefing Diane Huxley," Buchanan says. Kiefer goes a bit cringey at the thought of the two women in his life discussing him, let alone any debriefing going on. Instead of lunging for the nearest monitor with a security camera feed, he asks why that's happening. "Lynn asked her to," Buchanan "explains," like he thinks it's just as ridiculous as I do.