Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cry, Wolf
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.22.2006
Logan and Walt are doing their homework as they sit around a large conference table. Walt advises the Prez to keep FLOTUS's status out of the press for a few days so the headlines can kiss his ass for the stuff he managed to do right today. Logan, amazingly enough, thinks that's a good idea. When FLOTUS's doctor comes in, Logan jumps up and asks how she is. Walt stays sitting, because he doesn't watch The West Wing.The doc says she's sleeping, but he still hasn't figured out what could have caused the collapse. Just then the President's dog runs in, sniffs Walt's lap, and passes out. Actually, that doesn't happen, but that would have been much funnier than what actually does happen, which is Novick coming in to ask for a private moment with Logan and Walt. At 11:18:42, Logan boots the doctor out and sits back down at the conference table with Walt and Novick, the latter of whom carefully breaks the latest news: "One of the terrorists was posing as a hostage. He used the hostage crisis to cover a theft." He finally gets to the point, which is that a whole shitload of nerve gas is missing. Way to bury the lede, there, Mike. He says CTU is still trying to find out where the gas came from; all they know is that it was buried under a hangar at the airport. Logan asks what the terrorists are planning, and Novick uses a lot of unnecessary words to explain that nobody has any idea. Logan stands (alone, again) and drama-queens, "Whatever retaliation we were bracing for an hour ago is nothing compared to what these people are capable of doing now." I don't know what he's so worried about. His nerves are already for shit anyway.
On the CTU floor at 11:20:12, Spencer comes up to Chloe to ask what he wants her to work on next. Bitchily even for her, she tells him to check the task list instead of bugging her when he needs something to do. Spencer leans in close and tells her, "I don't care if you are my boss, or if you regret sleeping with me last night. No one talks to me like that." ["Spencer's not really my thing, but that moment was kind of hot." -- Sars] And he was standing behind her, so he couldn't even see the hateful expressions she was making when she said it. Chloe looks at him for the first time and says, "Really? I just did." That shuts Spencer up good and he stomps off, pissy. I wonder if he has a plan for getting even.
While he's walking away, his cell phone/messaging device goes off. He checks it and keeps on walking, right past Edgar. Edgar stops what he's doing -- namely, standing around and holding a file folder as part of the ongoing fight against terrorism -- and waddles over to Chloe. I want to see a season of 24 in which Louis Lombardi goes on Atkins the first day of shooting. He just stands there in front of Chloe, staring at her blankly while she looks all shifty behind her monitor. There is much geeky what's-your-problem-I-don't-have-a-problem-ing, until we find out that Edgar is all hurt over Chloe's privacy issues. "Why didn't you tell me Jack was alive?" he whines. "It's called national security?" Chloe sarcastically non sequiturs. Edgar then brings up Spencer, and Chloe scoffs, "Gimme a break." For some reason, she interprets Edgar's blank reaction as one of hurt, so she gets all conciliatory and says, "Okay, when we find the nerve gas and the alert level drops, we'll have some chamomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets, okay?" Oh, wait, that wasn't conciliatory at all. Even leaving aside her sarcastic tone, I have a feeling that she would react to chamomile tea the way the Wicked Witch of the West reacts to water. Edgar just turns and walks away, and Chloe tries hard not feel bad about how mean she just was. Which is odd, because not feeling bad about being mean usually comes so easily to her.