Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sin Francisco
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.18.2001
Back from break, Piper's in the kitchen, sipping champagne and calling in an order to Bloomingdale's for designer clothing and accessories. Designers mentioned include Armani, Gucci, and Prada. Prue attempts to cut in, but Piper tells her to cram it. Prue overhears the amount of money involved in the purchase, and hangs up the phone before Piper can complete the order and "ruin [her] credit rating." "Leo needs suits," Piper pouts. "Leo doesn't wear suits," Prue reminds her. "Yet," Piper counters, and offers Prue some champagne. Prue can't believe Piper is drinking in the middle of the day. Piper tells Prue she decided to "indulge" a bit because "this sin thing" was "bringing [her] down." Prue fills Piper in on what she's been up to while Piper's been swilling wine. The "Sin balls," as those of us who actually bothered to read the BoS entry already know, destroy their victims in a matter hours. "Good thing we weren't infected," Piper notes as she pops a chocolate into her mouth. Prue tried to scry for Kenickie's next victim, but the pointer kept "going back to the manor" on her map for some odd reason. When did this show become Clueless? Phoebe stomps into the kitchen to relate the sordid tale of her most recent academic humiliation. Her professor kicked her out of class. Why? She doesn't know: "One minute I was telling him why my paper was late and the next thing I knew, I was unzipping his pants with my teeth." Piper didn't need to hear that. I didn't either, really, but compared to some of the horrific mental images Piper's inflicted on me this season, Phoebe's transgression is comparatively mild. Prue finally puts the pieces together and correctly guesses that her sisters were indeed infected with the Deadly Bath Beads. Piper, her mouth full of pie, looks upwards and calls for the Dolt. Prue reveals that the Dolt actually has parked his ass on the parlor sofa.
Parlor. The Dolt is engrossed in a John Wayne movie. Piper determines something is amiss, decides it's the lack of potato chips, and hustles back into the kitchen to procure some for her man. Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty meanwhile urges the Dolt to switch to MTV. "I want to see Carson Daly," she explains as she scrambles over the Dolt's prone form on the couch. "He is so hot." Ew. I mean, really. Ick. Prue switches off the set in an attempt to restore focus. She asks the Dolt what TPTB "had to say about [Kenickie's] sneak attack." The Dolt, as usual, is useless. This time, however, he has a Deadly-Bath-Bead-related excuse. Seems he "orbed halfway up and got tired." "After sixty years of constant vigilance, I think I deserve a little downtime," he continues as he switches the TV back on. "Constant vigilance"? Is this some new term for "having sex in the shower in the middle of the day"? Shut up, Dolt. Piper passes the Dolt a bowl of chips, then answers the door. She's had several floral arrangements delivered to herself. Prue rolls her eyes. Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty hits on one of the deliverymen, remarking on her taste for men in uniform. Prue pushes the florists out the door and propels Piper and Phoebe back into the parlor, where the Dolt belches his way through his snacks. Phoebe wonders which Deadly Bath Bead targeted Prue. Prue decides she alone remains uninfected because she's "strong enough to fight [the infection] off." 'Cause, you know, Pride goeth before the fall and all that. Prue spots a breaking news story on TV, and orders the Dolt to crank up the sound. Basically, there's a "hostage situation" in a Bay Area Jaguar dealership. A certain "Pastor Robert Trimble" will shoot a salesman if he's not given a new car. Prue supposes that Kenickie infected the pastor with the Deadly Bath Bead of Envy, and she and Phoebe head off for the showroom, Piper having decided she'll remain in the manor with the Dolt to "hold down the fort." Holding down the fort, of course, involves shopping for a "Deluxe Tiffany Stained-Glass Flamingo" and an "Ornate Asian Curio Cabinet" on the Home Shopping Network. Wah-wah-wah. Does the fun ever start?